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    Updated on Feb 4, 2019. Posted on Jan 30, 2019

    29 Strange As Hell Valentine's Day Gifts To Give Your Favorite Weirdo

    ...thank you?

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A two-person sweater for the couple who's attached at the hip.

    Zulily

    Get it from Zulily for $39.99 (available in four styles).

    2. A beautiful beard bouquet that'll never wilt.

    Firebox

    The set comes with nine rose clips that hang onto facial hair.

    Get them from Firebox for $14.99.

    3. A pack of tiny squishy penis toys or a large penis pillow for a willy good gift.

    Amazon, Firebox

    Get a pack of five squishies from Amazon for $8.99 or the pillow from Firebox for $19.99 (ships January 31st).

    4. A classic box of chocolate, butt! with a twist we can all get behind.

    Amazon

    Anuses! The chocolate is shaped like little anuses.

    Promising review: "These are the greatest gift to give to a proctologist. :D I had two surgeons that had worked with my husband, so I sent these as thank you gifts. They absolutely loved them! It was a hilarious gift and worth the price! The chocolates were actually very tasty also. Would 100% buy again!" —Dawn

    Get a box of six from Amazon $9.98.

    5. A six-pack of nightmare sodas in novelty flavors sure to make their eyes pop.

    Amazon

    The flavors are: bacon, buffalo wing, sweet corn, pumpkin pie, ranch dressing, and peanut butter and jelly. They're all made with pure cane sugar and ill intent.

    Get them from Amazon for $24.75.

    6. A Paul Blart enamel pin for an arresting new accessory.

    HotToTrotPress

    Get it from HotToTrotPress on Etsy for $11.

    7. A stuffed bear with a heartfelt message on its shirt that does the talking for you (and your butt).

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $21.99.

    8. A custom cushion featuring your beautiful mug, so "sit on my face" can have a brand new meaning.

    Firebox

    It takes 5–7 days to make.

    Get it from Firebox for $22.99.

    9. A pair of bread slippers, aka loafers, for the pun and carb loving babe in your life.

    Amazon

    Get them from Amazon for $17+ (available in sizes M–L and four styles).

    10. A Star Trek-inspired Tribble fur coat that's both luxurious and futuristic.

    ThinkGeek

    Get it from ThinkGeek for $27.97 (available in sizes S–4XL).

    11. A gift card to the most romantic spot you can think of: Taco Bell.

    instagram.com

    Listen, I just saw a recently married couple enjoying some cheesy gordita crunches at the Taco Bell Cantina in Vegas. NO PLACE IS MORE ROMANTIC.

    Get it from Amazon for $25.

    12. A pair of stainless steel collar stays to keep their collars looking sharp and to keep their minds on you.

    Amazon

    Get them from Amazon for $12.52.

    13. A set of greeting cards that lets them know just how devoted you are.

    studiowillette / Society6

    This is part of a collab between Society6 and Hinge! Check out the whole collection here.

    Get three from studiowillette on Society6 for $4.99.

    14. Jizz the game, a party game that'll come in handy for otherwise dull get-togethers.

    Firebox

    Fill this gizmo up with water (or any other liquid) to get started. Spin the balls to see how many pumps the player needs to perform, plus where they need to aim it.

    Get it from Firebox for $26.99.

    15. A blessed pope-themed lingerie set so hot, it should maybe be censered.

    Yandy

    This set is giving me heart papal-tations.

    Get it from Yandy for $59.95 (available in sizes S–XL).

    16. You've Got Crabs — a fun card game that lets you be able to say that phrase to your partner without a clawful response.

    Amazon

    The game includes 78 cards, instructions, a foam turn indicator, 28 crab points, and a box with three drawer compartments. It's intended for ages seven and up. To play the game, split into teams of two, create a secret signal, and try to get four matching cards that only your partner knows about. Be sure to pick up the expansion pack to get the crab claws shown in the picture!

    Get it from Amazon for $24.99.

    17. A checklist notepad with pretty much every reason to have sex listed right there. Seduction is now just one checkmark away.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $6.95.

    18. An elephant thong for anyone with some junk in the trunk.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99+ (available in three styles).

    19. A Clone-a-Willy kit that lets them create a dildo in the shape of any penis they'd like.

    Amazon, amazon.com

    Helpful review: "Messed up our first mold by following the directions. Ordered more molding powder and had success laying horizontal on two chairs and my wife placing the tube around my member. Be careful not to get the vibrator too close to the edge and pour silicone slowly to avoid bubbles. It was hard to keep an erection resulting in a smaller version of my actual penis, a cock ring might help. Overall, I'm pleased with the finished product." —John Boston

    Get it from Amazon for $49.95+ (available in nine colors).

    20. An iron throne pet bed so their ruthless cat can have a proper place to sit and glare at you.

    MadeForPets

    Get it from MadeForPets on Etsy for $272.

    21. A mermaid sequin pillow that reveals a national treasure when they pet it.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $10.58.

    22. Fifty Shades of Chicken — a punishingly good cookbook for sultry poultry lovers.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Beautiful book. The pictures and quality of this book is gorgeous and the recipes are also unique. I almost want to buy one for myself (I got it for someone as a gift). I'm not a Fifty Shades gal but this is still awesome. Definitely a high quality yet fully functional gag gift." —Avery T

    Get it from Amazon for $12.27, Barnes & Noble for $16.99, or from a local bookseller through Indiebound.

    23. A jar of dill dough, because that's what they wanted right? Dill dough?

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $9.95 (+$2.66 shipping).

    24. And a dill-icious looking pickle jar necklace to match.

    qminishop

    Get it from qminishop on Etsy for $15 (available in two chain styles).

    25. A somewhat aggressive candle sure to make them think of you (and maybe furtively glance around the house) every time they light it.

    AtoZCandles

    Get it from AtoZCandles on Etsy for $12+ (available in three sizes and 11 scents).

    26. A pair of animal panties or boxers they're sure to fauna over.

    Amazon

    Get the panties for $6.59+ (available in sizes M–L and 36 styles) or the boxers for $9.89 (available in sizes L–XXL and three colors).

    27. A blobfish plush toy to match their dour outlook on Valentine's Day.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $14.99.

    28. A pair of Fundies for the couple that likes to be as close as possible.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $7.73.

    29. And a DIY casket kit for the Hank Hill-level romantic gesture that lets them know you're thinking about the future.

    Amazon

    In S05E03, Hank builds coffins for himself and Peggy, and it's very romantic. :')

    Get it from Amazon for $599.

    Happy V-day to you and your...special someone.

    Fox

    Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.

    Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

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