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1. If you're kind of shy, this enamel pin celebrates your victories.
Get it from ADaesthetic on Etsy for $12 (ships in December).
2. If you've been following the news lately, this set of horrified movie victim action figures might look familiar to you.
Tag yourself. I'm the yellow-shirted guy about to make a wacky face plant.
Promising review: "These are great. My young daughter bought these for me for my birthday. We surround them with other toy zombies and then rescue them by shooting the zeds with Nerf guns. The figures are good quality." —HanktheHobo
Get it from Amazon for $8.50.
3. If you're lowkey vicious with a smile on your face, this pair of rainbow wine glasses will mirror your feelings.
Get it from Ankit for $24.99.
4. If you don't know who you identify with more in Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me," this pair of shoes are high heels and sneakers at the same time.
Promising review: "I love these shoes! I was hesitant to buy, but I am so happy! They fit perfectly, look adorable, and I wear them all the time. I've gotten so many compliments. One of my best purchases." —Aspen Brower
Get them from Amazon for $29.99+ (available in sizes 5–10.5 and 20 styles).
5. If you have ever called yourself a "cat mom," this crazy cat lady ornament will feel right at home on your tree.
6. If you love going to the movies by yourself, this shirt will make you feel like you're in an exclusive club.
7. Or if you prefer to watch movies in the comfort of your own home, this big, colorful sticker will let you into a different, equally cool club.
Get it from HeidirooArt on Etsy for $3.
8. If you've had enough of people for one lifetime, this book of Grumpy cat stickers agrees.
Get it from Amazon for $1.99.
9. If overanalyzing things is sending you to an early grave, this sweater knows how you feel.
Get it from prettybadco on Etsy for $40+ (available in sizes S–2XL).
10. If you're a legit teen, these shiny pencils probably sound just like you.
OK maybe teens don't talk like this. Does anyone know any teens to ask?
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $10.
11. If you're kind of a lifeless blob, this Gudetama Funko Pop figure is right there with you.
Who among us wouldn't gladly wrap themselves up in bacon for a tasty nap?
Get it from Amazon for $8.82.
12. If life isn't working out quite like you had planned, this tumbler feels your pain.
13. If you're all about puns and feasting, this funny shirt is for you (to wear far away from the gym).
Promising review: "This is so soft and easy to travel with! It had a few wrinkles but it's an easy wear and washes well." —Christina smock
Get it from Amazon for $8.99 (available in sizes S–5XL and 11 colors).
14. If your constantly correcting people's grammar, this copper necklace will do it for you.
Oops, *you're.
Get it from ShopTheCopperFox on Etsy for $24.
15. If you're always swamped with work, this sparkly agenda will say what you're thinking.
The 17-month agenda is dated for August 2017 – December 2018.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $20.
16. If your world's on fire but you're still posting memes, this Furby pin should have a place on your jacket.
Get it from ArielHartStore on Etsy for $5.
17. If you're a simmering ball of rage under your sunny exterior, this surprising mug will get you through it.
Promising reviews: "I purchased this mug as a birthday gift for my grandmother who is an all day, everyday coffee drinker. The package arrived on time in perfect condition. It's been washed multiple times and there hasn't been any fading or chipping on the lettering." —Amber
Get it from Amazon for $8.08.
18. If you're lazy in a cute way, this pair of flats is basically a depiction of you napping on a rainbow.
Get them from Modcloth for $59.99 (available in sizes 5–11).
19. If you definitely weren't one of the popular kids in school, this shirt knows it.
Get it from Valfre for $42 (available in sizes XS–XL).
20. If you think saying "no" is the greatest feeling in the world, these earrings definitely agree.
Get it from ObsessoriesLA on Etsy for $9.95.
21. If sweater weather makes you feel magical, this well-dressed unicorn necklace is a much needed accessory.
Fall fashion looks good on ~everyone~.
Get it from Modcloth for $79.99.
22. If you have a dependency on caffeine, this graphic tee has your best interests in mind.
Promising review: "It's soft and comfortable. It fits true to size. It's a good length, so you can tuck it in or half-tuck it in like the picture. I also wore it one morning to workout and it was easy to move in. It has short sleeves and I didn't find the sleeves tight." —KC
Get it from Amazon for $10.96+ (available in sizes S–XXL).
23. If you're just about done with being nice to creeps, this upcycled vintage wall plate is ready to hang.
(Also check out the podcast My Favorite Murder for more words of wisdom, like Lock Your Fucking Door.)
Get it from FeistyKraft on Etsy for $16.
24. If you're into cats and also possibly in a motorcycle gang, this velvet jacket probably speaks to you (meows to you?).
Your sidecar is for your cat.
Get it from Modcloth for $89.99 (available in sizes S–L).
25. If you find life to be an unending nightmare of responsibilities, this embroidered patch has got you covered.
Promising review: "Amazingly fast shipping. The patch is so rad — can't wait to put it on my jacket!" —deschoolsociety
Get it from prettybadco on Etsy for $8.
26. If you're unapologetically living your best life, this satin jacket is the thing to wear while doing it.
Get it from Nylon for $125 (available in sizes S–XL).
27. If you're still enjoying all the geeky shit you liked as a kid, this shirt gets it.
Get it from Busted Tees for $20 (available in sizes S–3XL).
28. If you're fancy in a dark AF kind of way, this embroidered patch is the emoji you've always wanted.
29. If you're maybe a little under-qualified for your job, this bath mat shows a fish in a similar situation.
It's almost like these products are staring into your soul.
The reviews used in this post have been edited for length and clarity.
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