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1. A calendar filled with pooping dogs to ironically make 2020 feel less crappy.
2. A simply ~splashing~ shower curtain featuring Nigel and his...Thornberrys.
3. Jizz — a competitive game everyone will be ~pumped~ to play.
4. A set of brain slice coasters for doctors, nurses, scientists, and...serial killers?
5. A coloring book dedicated to something you and your loved one see a lot.
6. A poke-able corgi butt mousepad if they're into that kind of thing.
7. A cable charm that protects their cord from fraying AND makes it look like a unicorn is nibbling on their phone.
8. A wine condom for people who won't stop saying "penis grigio."
9. A well-endowed ash tray, if your audience still giggles at the sight of them.
10. A tin of Shakespeare band-aids that add insult to injury (but still make great bandages).
11. A pair of bread slippers, aka loafers to keep their feet warm and toasty.
12. A foaming clay mask to turn skincare into a total gigglefest.
13. A naughty cookie cutter that'll show them a sneak peek at what's for dessert.
14. Finger claws to make them feel like a tiny dinosaur while chowing down on wings. But like, a really clean dino, because their hands will be spotless.
15. A pair of salt and pepper shakers that spend their time "porking" when not seasoning food.
16. A whimsical bookmark for people who wish they could have dropped their house on the Wicked Witch of the East. Smooshing her inside a book will have to do.
17. A pack of penis lipsticks in so many shades, you won't even feel like a dick if you save one for yourself.
18. A Deadpool mousepad that's frankly their breast chance at getting proper wrist support.
19. A floral penis mug with specimens in various stages of blooming. 😳
20. A pair of fondue mugs for anyone looking to dip their toes into the world of fondue. I personally, would like to dip my whole body into a vat of melted cheese, thank you.
21. A pair of mirrored glasses so they can enjoy a good book or TV show without bothering to sit up.
22. A pair of Mickey Mouse gloves that double as oven mitts. They're so cute, your partner may just wear 'em all day.
23. A moisturizing butt mask so they can pamper themselves on both ends.
24. A Smell My Nuts candle that smells like banana nut bread, toasted coconut, and hazelnut. What did you think it would smell like?
25. A salami bouquet, because let's be real — you can't eat a floral one.
26. A fill-in-the-blank-book ready to be filled with all your best inside jokes and gentle ribbing.
27. Granny PottyMouth’s Fast as F*ck Cookbook — for the foul-mouthed chef who thinks cursing at the food makes it taste better.
28. A novelty couples game that's basically sexy truth or dare.
29. A sassy pair of socks that, if the boots are made for walking, are made for talking (shit).
30. And a cheerful tapestry to remind them that things could always be worse.
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