1. I'm sorry to tell you this, but dogs aren't real.
2. They're a figment of your imagination.
3. This is not real.
4. Neither is this.
5. This is something from a dream.
6. They're CGI, they're a trick.
7. This lil' guy is not real. It's not possible.
8. DOGS AREN'T REAL, YOU MADE THEM UP.
9. You've imagined them because you want to live in a world in which creatures as extraordinary as dogs exist.
10. But they're not real.
11. It's possible they were created by Jim Henson.
12. Or that they're a collective hallucination; Our subconscious minds making the cold reality life on earth more palatable.
13. OK, sure, dogs are real and so is Santa.
14. You're old enough for the truth now: Dogs were made up just to make you happy.
15. So you'd believe there is goodness in this world.
16. They're a fantasy to protect you from reality.
17. We wish they were real – just look at them – but sadly they are not.
18. Dogs are as real as dragons, as unicorns, as griffins.
19. They're mythical creatures. I'm sorry to break it to you.
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