1. If this sweet apple crumble slathered in custard served after a meal is a pudding...
2. Then what the hell is this thing known also as a pudding but eaten with a Sunday roast?
3. And what the hell is this "pudding" that's got meat pouring out of it?
4. Oh shit, and let's not even start on this thing which for some reason is called black pudding.
5. And while we're on the subject of "puddings", why do some of them behave like plates?
6. Does the nation have absolutely no boundaries when it comes to putting things inside a Yorkshire pudding?
7. And who's idea was it to hide an egg inside a breadcrumbed sausage?
8. There is a drink pronounced "Iron Brew", but does it have anything to do with iron? Like does it enrich your blood or make you stronger?
9. Why can't the British people make up their minds whether these things are biscuits or cakes?
10. Why do British people eat their peas fluorescent green and mushy?
11. How come this meal is socially acceptable for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner?
12. Is there any food the British won't serve with beans?
13. And is there anything in Britain that doesn't go on toast?
14. Why is there a spread who's USP is that people might hate it?
15. With such a passion for carb-on-carb action, how do British people get anything done?
16. Honestly, it's insane that Britain has ever achieved anything.
17. Why is "making your biscuit go all flabby in tea" virtually a national sport?
18. What does it say about us as a nation when, in some ways, this is the most British plate of food you have ever seen in your life?
19. It says great things about us, that's what.
