49 Thoughts You Have When You Let Your Boobs Fly Free
Good grief, these things are jiggly.
1. Something’s missing.
2. SHIT, MY BRA.
3. OK, this is OK. This feels good actually.
4. Such airflow!
5. Feel that breeze, yeah! Feel it.
6. You alright down there, chaps? You hanging in OK? I’ve set you free today. Enjoy!
7. Shit, I’m going to miss the train, better run.
8. WHOOOAAA-K. I know why they invented bras now.
9. Fuck, they’re flying around everywhere.
10. AND IT HURTS.
11. If I just hold my my arm strategically across my boobs like I’m clasping my bag strap with the wrong hand, that’ll work.
12. Yep, they’re stationary. But I feel like I’m running down the high street holding my boobs.
13. I am literally running down the high street holding my boobs.
14. Cool, that guy’s watching me.
15. FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING PERV. CAN’T A WOMAN RUN DOWN THE ROAD CLASPING HER OUT-OF-CONTROL BOOBS IN PEACE?
16. OK, let’s just miss the train and walk normally.
17. Good grief, these things are jiggly.
18. Ugh, now that man’s watching them.
19. *Whispers* “Be still, my beauties. Be still.”
20. Brr. It’s cold on the train platform.
21. Ooh, here comes the train. I wonder what my boobs look like.
22. *Glances at self in train window* JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, my nipples.
23. I didn’t even think of them.
24. They’re so pointy.
25. God, why did I wear a silky blouse? It’s got no structure, no strength, it doesn’t stand a chance against these two.
26. Lol, “Peanut smuggler.”
27. Oh god, that’s what everyone will think when they see me.
28. Who would smuggle peanuts down their top? It’s ridiculous.
29. I wish peanuts had never been invented so people won't think of them when they see my nipples.
30. If I just pull my cardigan closed a bit like this, maybe I can sort of hook the edges of it over my nipples to conceal them.
31. Jesus, that looks weird.
32. I can’t believe I can hook clothes on to my nipples.
33. OK, it’s just your work colleagues, act normal, don’t think about your tits. Just forget about them.
34. No one will notice that you’ve got two wobbly, oddly pointy, slightly lopsided things poking out of a silky blouse that leaves very little to the imagination.
35. No one will notice.
36. Except that person who has definitely noticed because they just stared at your chest and their pupils dilated a bit. But ignore that person.
37. OK, I’m getting into this now.
38. I’m so free and easy!
39. My boobs are so soft and comfy.
40. Mm, I could just put my hand in my top and hold my boob like I do sometimes when I’m watching TV.
41. So cosy.
42. Fuck, put it down, you’re in public.
43. Too relaxed.
44. Hey, get me! I’m walking across the office to the kitchen and my boobs are bouncing about like two excited children on a trampoline, and I don’t give a fuck who sees me.
45. Behold, I am a liberated woman! Burn your bras, ladies! Set your chests free!
46. Ohmygod, the nipples are back.
47. And here’s the whole IT team weirdly in the kitchen with me and my pointy nipples.
48. Run, hide, RUN.
49. *Googles “Topshop bras”*