7 Slightly Horrible Things New Mums Heroically Do

Medals for anyone who performs these vital tasks.

1. Combing the cradle cap flakes off your baby's scalp.

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The cradle cap comes away like greasy cornflakes. It's so gross it gives you goosebumps – but sort of in a good way? Cradle cap is one of those things which is very gross on someone else's baby, but sort of intriguing on your own.

2. Closely examining your baby's poo.

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The colour, the smell, the consistency – gazing into your baby's faeces is unexpectedly fascinating.

3. Wiping and scraping other goopy, flakey things off your baby’s body.

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Eye gunk, bogeys, ear wax, that crusty stuff behind their ears – you get a secret, weird enjoyment from removing it.

4. Hand-pumping your boobs in a scuzzy public toilet cubicle.

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Look, breastfeeding and pumping are in no way gross: they are beautiful and amazing. But being forced to pump in a public toilet because of the lack of breastfeeding facilities isn't the most glam moment of motherhood.

5. Rubbing lanolin on your raw, chafed nipples 1000 times a day.

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That stuff (which, btw, is wax secreted from the sebaceous glands of wool-bearing mammals) is magic, godammit.

6. Clearing a blocked milk duct in your boob.

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Techniques range from massaging the lumpy boob in a hot shower, to enlisting your partner to help squeeze it out.

7. Sucking your baby's snot out of their nose… with your mouth.

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When your baby can’t breathe you take whatever measures necessary. Love makes these tasks possible, and love makes them worth it too.