1. Falmouth in Cornwall isn't a pretty place at all.
2. It doesn't have a beautiful waterfront.
3. There's this castle built by Henry VIII, but who cares about that?
4. It's not like it looks dramatic in the dawn light or anything.
5. Falmouth has the third-deepest harbour in the world, and every year dozens of tall ships gather there.
6. But how impressive is that really?
7. The town itself is pretty blah.
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8. The buildings are humdrum.
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9. They haven't really nailed that quaint seaside vibe at all.
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10. The architecture's boring.
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St George's Arcade, Church Street, Falmouth.
11. Jesus, look at it. What a bland place.
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12. There's never anything interesting down its higgledy-piggledy alleyways.
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13. It's got this pub with a bookshop inside it...but that's not cool at all.
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Beerwolf Books, 3 Bells Court.
14. No, that concept really doesn't appeal.
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Beerwolf Books.
15. Definitely best to steer clear of somewhere like that.
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16. Falmouth is SO BORING. It's not jam-packed full of cool shops.
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Sounds OK record shop, 43 Arwenack Street, Falmouth.
17. There's nowhere to buy good clothes.
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Wild Pony vintage, 19 Arwenack St.
18. There's a ton of little vintage shops, but who wants vintage shops?
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The Little Vintage Warehouse, 34 High Street.
19. Oh, and all the antique furniture shops. Fine, I suppose, if you're into that sort of thing.
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The Little Vintage Warehouse.
20. Nope, there's no lovely shops in Falmouth at all.
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Old Brewery Yard, High Street.
21. None.
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Old Brewery Yard.
22. None. At. All.
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Jam Records, 32 High Street.
23. Nada.
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Jam Records.
24. Even the hairdressers are run-of-the-mill.
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Blackdog Haircutters, 42 Church St.
25. And we haven't even started on what happens if you get hungry.
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26. There are zero places to have a lovely lunch.
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Dolly's Tea Room & Wine Bar, 21 High Street.
27. You'll have to starve.
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Dolly's Tea Room & Wine Bar.
28. It's a wasteland.
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The Meat Counter, 25 Arwenack Street.
29. Seriously, I hope you don't like eating, because there's nothing good there.
The Meat Counter.
30. It's a culinary desert.
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31. And there's literally nowhere to grab a nice cold beer.
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Hand bar, Old Brewery Yard, High Street.
32. All the bars in Falmouth have been spoilt by artists who studied at the art school.
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Hand.
33. You're miles from anywhere, so don't expect a good selection of beers.
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Hand.
34. And what's so great about having a pint in the sun by the water?
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The Chain Locker & Shipwrights, Quay Street.
35. Public transport = ferries. V. disappointing for people who prefer hot, crowded buses.
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Falmouth Custom House Quay.
36. Oh, and the view from the ferry? Absolute bag of shit.
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St Mawes Ferry, Falmouth.
37. But that's Falmouth for you. It really is as ugly as they come.
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St Mawes Ferry, Falmouth.