1. Someone who likes wearing trainers without socks.
2. Anyone who uses the winky face emoji as a form of flirtation.
3. When they keep Snapchatting their friends on your date.
4. Someone who says, “I hate all pop music.”
5. Or, “I never watch TV, except for documentaries.”
6. Going back to their place and discovering a pile of plates and mugs under their bed.
7. Someone who says, “Life’s too short for washing up and cleaning,” while watching you wash up their dishes and clean down the sides.
8. Finding out they don’t use bedding.
9. Or they do use a duvet cover, but the buttons are up by the pillows, and they have no sheet.
10. Someone who explains to you what the film actually meant.
11. A person who refuses to order the same thing as you in a restaurant and then gets the hump because they didn’t get what they wanted.
12. Someone who looks around the bar you’re in and says, “Everyone in here looks like a twat.”
13. A sexual T-shirt slogan.
14. If you went back to their house and discovered they were someone who couldn’t be bothered to open their curtains during the day.
15. If you realise you’ve been on the date for a while and they haven’t asked you any questions about yourself, but you are very familiar with everyone they work with, what bike they ride, and the time they climbed a mountain for charity.
16. If they keep mentioning their ex.
17. When you say you like this song that’s playing, and then they ask you which B-side track is your favourite of this artist, and smile knowingly when you say, “Er, I’m not good with song names.”
18. They go off on a massive political rant.
19. If they complain about hipsters gentrifying everything, before adjusting their thick-rimmed spectacles and telling you about the small-batch whisky they’re into at the moment.
20. Someone who plays devil’s advocate all through the date.
21. Someone who says, “You like ale?” when they order an ale and you also order an ale.
22. Someone who wears a puka shell necklace because they want a chance to tell you that they got it on their gap year in Thailand.
23. Did they mention they had a gap year in Thailand?
24. When you realise you’ve been on a date with them for two hours and have only spoken about their gap year in Thailand, which sounded like it was amazing, but still.
25. Going back to their place and finding crusty stains on their navy blue bedding.
26. Going back to their place and discovering they’re out of toilet roll, but they have no urgency about going to the shops to get more, because — you can only assume — they are fine to just drip dry.