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This Is How To Get A Pay Rise (Possibly)

Because you're worth it.

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Do you suspect that you are more amazing than your colleagues?

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Do you suspect your colleagues are being paid more than you?

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Time to ask for a pay rise! It's scientifically proven that the more amazing you think you are, the more money you deserve.

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To get a pay rise, you must prove your worth. A simple understanding of animal hierarchies can be helpful here:

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To win more does (or in your case “dough”), the stags must destroy each other using their antlers:

Similarly, you need to confront your boss and prove that your antlers are fucking hardcore and therefore you deserve more “dough”.
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Similarly, you need to confront your boss and prove that your antlers are fucking hardcore and therefore you deserve more “dough”.

Timing is everything. Find a quiet moment to approach your boss.

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Then be assertive and direct. Be sure to look her in the eye!

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Does your boss want to employ a quivering, lily-livered, wet blanket? No she does not. She needs to know you are strong. Show her your antlers.

If she says yes, then congratulations, your antlers are awesome!

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If she says no, don’t cry.

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DON'T CRY.

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Crying is almost never good in an office environment, unless a more powerful colleague leaves or dies. In that case the more you cry the closer everyone will think you were to them, and the more respect you’ll get.

Ask your boss again the next day, but this time bring evidence to support your case.

Infographics and stats are great for proving how indispensable and amazing you are.
Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

Infographics and stats are great for proving how indispensable and amazing you are.

Congratulations! You got a pay rise!

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(If you still didn't get a pay rise leave it six months then start again from the top.)

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