1. Your eyes watering so hard when you try to pluck your eyebrows that you have to give up because you can’t see any more.
2. Trying to pluck out an eyebrow hair that isn’t long enough yet and ending up just gouging a red mark into your face, with the offending hair root still stuck in the middle.
3. Trying to pluck out rogue moustache hairs, then realising THERE ARE TOO MANY and wishing you’d waxed the damn thing off.
4. Thinking you’ve removed your moustache hairs, then getting into bright sunlight and realising, nope, you’re still a girl with a cute lil' 'tache.
5. Trying to bleach your sideburns blonde.
6. Then realising blonde sideburns look quite unusual.
7. Trying to bleach your moustache and having to sit in the bathroom for far too long with a comedy white moustache.
8. When the bleach turns your ‘tache and sideburns orange and it looks more noticeable than it did before.
9. Enduring the horrible, horrible smell of hair bleach right under your nose.
10. Deciding bleaching your ‘tache is way too time-consuming and fussy and, fuck it, you’d rather have facial hair than endure this hassle.
11. Buying a cheap packet of home waxing strips, and getting them stuck in your pubes.
12. Trying to pull the strip off, but you can’t get the requisite speed on it, and FUCK this is too painful to continue with.
13. Having to peel the strip off your pubes reeeeallly, reeeeally slowly and then soak the glue out with soapy water.
14. Using home waxing strips to wax your legs, pulling them off, and realising it's about as effective as using sellotape.
15. Shaving your bikini line for the first time and trying not to nick your bits.
16. The horrific, life-destroying itchiness that comes on approximately 24 hours after shaving your bikini line.
17. Walking down a busy high street when The Itch sets in, and your eyes watering from the agony of not being able to get your hand down there.
18. So you end up doing a weird walk where your upper thighs rub against each other just to try to relieve the itching.
19. Giving in and just shamelessly itching your fanny region in public because, honestly, your pride isn’t worth this suffering.
20. Shaving with one of those mega-cheap plastic razors and your legs ending up streaked with blood.
21. Badly nicking the skin on your ankle bone with your razor.
22. Shaving your legs, heading out, and realising you missed a really nice hairy bit on your knee.
23. Shaving your legs when you have really dark hair and still being able to see the dark follicles so it looks like stubble straight away.
24. Epilating your legs and wondering if childbirth is more painful than this?
25. Four thousand, seven hundred ingrown hairs coming in about three days after you epilated your legs.
26. Trying to gouge out the ingrown hairs.
27. Discovering you have like three hairs growing out of one follicle in your armpit and wondering if this makes you special.
28. Trying to wax your armpits then vowing NEVER AGAIN because they actually bled.
29. When you get threaded and the thread is really sharp and you end up with little cuts on your face.
30. Dealing with the little scabs that come after a vicious threading session.
31. Getting a hot wax burn.
32. Getting a hot wax burn in the moustache region so you end up with a sore, brown moustache-shaped mark.
33. Getting a professional bikini wax and the waxer having to go over one spot right on your labia five times because she can’t get the hair out.
34. The sight of your red-raw turkey fanny after getting waxed.
35. The feeling of handing over your bank card after a woman has just tortured your nether regions for 20 minutes.
36. The feeling when your knickers stick to the dregs of wax around your bikini line when you’re walking home afterwards.
37. The feeling when you get into your sexy swimsuit a few days after the wax and a few ingrown hairs have already made an appearance.
38. The thought that maybe you shouldn’t bother with any of this shit any more and just be hairy and proud as nature intended.
39. Standing in the bathroom later that day, plucking out the ingrown bikini hairs, realising you are not obeying that thought even though you’d like to, and vowing that one day you’ll have the guts to do it.