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18 Christmas Disasters That'll Make You Feel Bad For Laughing

"He vomited all over my sister's gifts."

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1. Dog-cident:

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"My childhood dog was about 14 and had gone blind earlier that year. I guess since he couldn’t see, he got confused by the tree in the house. While we were all sitting around the room, he peed on the tree and blew all the lights. The tree even started smoking. He walked away completely unfazed."


2. Too much red wine:

"One year, our family friends were over for Christmas Eve. After my sisters and I went to bed, our parents and their friends had a bit too much red wine. The husband yacked all over my older sister’s Christmas gifts just after my mom put them out. They were stained red. My mom sure had fun explaining that one."


3. Coming out:

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"Imagine a Big Catholic Family: My grandparents, their six kids and their significant others, and a total of 14 grandkids. All I remember is my uncle swinging the door open, striding in wearing a shiny sequined purple shirt, holding his partner's hand, and yelling at the top of his voice, 'DAD, I’M GAY.' Then my grandpa, standing up from his chair, walking over to the liquor cabinet, opening it, and taking out his big bottle of Crown Royal whisky and taking a swig. I love my family. :)"



4. Burnt skin and paper:

"While we were opening presents my ex put wrapping paper on a lit candle. We all tried to put it out, but lit pieces of paper flew around the living room so he started grabbing them with his bare hands and running to the sink. The smell of burnt skin and paper filled the house most of the day."


5. The Spitfire:

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"My dad spent hours making a flying balsa wood Spitfire from scratch for my 6-year-old brother. On Christmas morning my brother's eyes just lit up, enchanted, at how beautiful this plane was. My dad was overjoyed. Now, I have all the grace and spatial awareness of an explosion in a mashed potato factory. And I have always been a rather wide person. I was overexcited, 7 years old, full of chocolate, and not paying attention. I'm sorry I broke your plane with my arse."

– Sarah Barr, Facebook

6. What the dog did:

"We came home from Christmas Eve Mass to discover that our dog had gotten into the box of stocking stuffers and eaten over a pound and a half of chocolate. We made him vomit, and then my husband and I took turns staying up with him all night to let him out every 5–30 minutes. I was seven months pregnant at the time."


7. Tree disaster:

"The Christmas tree broke in half while I was sitting on the floor next to it. It fell on my head, an ornament broke, and it cut my head open."



8. Grandma's shopping spree:

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"My grandmother has bipolar disorder and in a manic state she'll spend over 24 hours straight shopping/gambling/spending money. So one Christmas she brings us BOXES and BOXES of presents, all from a discount store in Florida. All of the girls get grandma shirts: sequined beach scenes, pastel colors. Mine had a dolphin with a wreath around its neck. My father got a statue of Santa fishing. My uncle, a very skinny guy, gets three XXXL shirts of Santa at a tiki bar. Grandma even bought herself some three-inch red and feathery heels. Oh, and she bought a new car."


9. Christmas in ER:

"Christmas 1997: I ended up in the ER after running through a glass door. The scar on my forearm burns with every Christmas song played."


10. The skunk:

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"My uncle discovered a skunk in the garage one Christmas. The men came up with a genius plan to cover it with a towel so its 'stink' couldn’t escape. It failed miserably. All 25 of us spent that Christmas crammed in my grandparents' back room farthest from the garage. We had towels tied over our noses eating crackers while the Christmas meal sat cold on the table because it smelled so bad."


11. Tree vomit:

"My dad’s work had a Christmas party where everyone brought food, and the next day my whole family was sick. My dad vomited on the tree. Nothing says holidays like tree vomit."



12. The kitten:

"One Christmas morning we woke up and OH MY GOD a kitten was under the tree! This was the best thing we had ever seen. But the kitten took one look at us and started throwing itself around the lounge, tearing the presents to shreds. We started crying when it kept running into the windows. Our parents came down, and yelled, 'WHO LET THIS CAT INTO THE HOUSE?!' Turns out it was a wild kitten that climbed in the window in the night and got stuck inside."


13. "Merry Christmas, who the !*&% are you?":

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"The weekend before Christmas my sister was on the phone to my mother, when suddenly my mother says, 'OK honey, I have to go, I’m getting married today.' MARRIED? and TO WHOM? That Christmas was incredibly awkward, since my mother married a man none of us had ever met or knew existed, just a few weeks after divorcing my dad who she'd been married to for 40 years. Like, what do you say? 'Merry Christmas, who the !*&% are you?'"


14. Tree attack:

"Last year we had just adopted our dog. He had a lot of destructive separation anxiety so we kept him in a crate when we left the house. One day, we left him for two hours and he managed to bounce his crate seven feet across the room to the tree, pull the bottom half of the tree in through the bars and ate all the ribbon, branches, lights, and ornaments. The entire tree was knocked over and sitting on top of the crate."


15. Bubbles:

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"We used to have 12 free-range chickens in our backyard, including one chicken, Bubbles, who was our favorite. One Christmas, my brothers and I were playing when we heard squawking in the backyard. We went to check on them, and found a hawk sitting in the backyard hunched over the decapitated body of Bubbles. My brothers cried and my dad had to go out and dispose of the body. He found the head on the other side of the yard. It was like watching Animal Planet in our backyard, but much sadder."



16. Who pooped?:

"My aunt got way too drunk, accused different family members of pooping in her shower, then eventually passed out and peed herself. Nobody even pooped in the shower."


17. "Grandad's on fire!":

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"We had finished Christmas dinner and were trying to balance spoons on our noses. My grandad got up to take a photo, when suddenly I noticed a reflection of flames in the window behind him. He'd backed up towards the window where there were loads candles and his shirt had caught fire. I screamed, 'GRANDAD’S ON FIRE!' My grandma managed to put it out just in time, leaving a huge hole in the back of his shirt."


18. Smithereens:

"Picture the scene: We had just sat down to Christmas dinner. The dining table was straining under the weight of food, mum’s best china, and the family's crystal wine glasses. All of a sudden the candelabra that was hanging above the table falls from the ceiling, smashing the contents of the table to smithereens."


Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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