Scone as in goneScone as in moan
It's scone as in gone!
All right-minded people say scon. Scown just sounds weird.
There's no doubt that this is shade of purple. OK, it's a bluey purple, but it's purple nonetheless.
Ketchup everywhereKetchup in a blob on the side
The right way is ketchup in a blob on the side!
Anyone who covers their chips in ketchup is a fool – you will end up with some chips that have too much ketchup, and some that don't have enough. With a blob on the side you can decide exactly how much ketchup you have on each chip.
Cats are wonderful in their own special way, but everyone secretly knows dogs have the edge.
Bag —> milk —> waterBag —> water —> milk
It's bag —> milk —> water!
Of course it is! That way you get your optimum amount of milk without the cup overflowing, and you get no scum on top. The other way round is for novices.
McDonald's is so much better than Burger King, everyone knows that. Burger King burgers taste weird and burnt.
Yellow, orange, and green Fruit PastillesRed and black Fruit Pastilles
Red and black Fruit Pastilles!
Delicious red and black Fruit Pastilles are 1000% superior to the actually quite disgusting orange, yellow, and green citrus-flavoured Fruit Pastilles.
NeighboursHome and Away
Neighbours is by FAR the better programme. Much funnier than Home and Away with more mundane, absurd storylines, and an entire episode that was a dog's dream.
Jam on firstCream on first
You should put cream on first!
Obviously!! Cream is like the butter, and the jam goes on top.
Tom HiddlestonIdris Elba
All normal, sane, rational human beings know that Idris Elba would make a better Bond than Tom Hiddleston.
You should eat a Kit Kat one finger at a timeYou should eat a Kit Kat all at once
You should eat a Kit Kat one finger at a time!
It is positively primitive to eat a Kit Kat all at once, it's awful, never let anyone see you do that.
Bowie like snowyBowie like wow-ee
It's Bowie like snowy!
Bowie like wow-ee sounds better, but it's wrong.
Pepsi tastes like crap compared to Coke.
Father ChristmasSanta Claus
It's just a much better name for the old guy.
Folded toilet paperScrunched-up toilet paper
Your hand is further away from bum hole when toilet paper is scrunched.
Literally everyone who has ever encountered this popular lunchtime food knows that triangular sandwiches taste better.
The Godfather Part IThe Godfather Part II
The Godfather Part I is better!
The Godfather Part II is a positive snoozefest in comparison.
It's a biscuit!
Everyone knows that Jaffa Cakes are biscuits. They may be called cakes, but they're definitely biscuits.
At the beginning of TV's Game of Thrones, Arya Stark was called Ar-ee-ya; later on people started saying Are-ya. Ar-ee-ya Stark is the correct pronunciation because it just sounds much better. Apparently George R.R. Martin says Are-ya, but what does he know?