1. Our ability to deploy a dozen different ways to say thank you when someone holds open a door.
When you follow someone through multiple doors
2. Compulsively talking about the weather when we feel awkward, then worrying it makes us seem extremely boring and unimaginative.
3. This thing that all British girls do.
are you even a girl if you don't tell people you're wearing jeans and a nice top ????
4. And this other thing that all British girls do.
5. All of these things that we "don't believe".
6. Our nation's long-running, passive aggressive argument about a biscuit. Sorry, a cake.
7. The way a crowd of British people will spontaneously erupt in laughter and clapping when a bird flies into a sports game.
8. That fact that we will put anything in between two slices of bread.
English people will dead put anything in a sandwich. Fish fingers, chips, crisps, sausages. You name it, it's going in the fucking bread
9. Our immense pride and joy at coming third in something.
10. Laughing at Christmas cracker jokes every year even though they are not actually funny.
11. And the way we will always make this same joke:
Are you even British if you don't say "let me come in your suitcase" when anyone you know is off on holiday
12. Our relentless passion and skill for making puns.
I'm begging of you please don't take my man
13. Also our deep love of sexual innuendos.
14. Our clingy, dependent, slightly dysfunctional relationship with shopping bags.
15. Saying the opposite of what we mean to avoid awkwardness.
16. Our national obsession with watching other British people buy, sell, build, and decorate houses.
17. Constantly apologising, especially to inanimate objects and people that bump into us.
18. The names of our celebrities.
19. The way we end all phone calls to the gas people/broadband people/council/funeral director with these three words.
20. Our serious, academic-level commitment to drinking tea.
21. The way we weave extremely creative swearing into our everyday lives.
22. Our weird love of queueing and how virtuous it makes us feel.
23. Our wrath if someone breaks an unspoken British law.
24. Putting an 'x' at the end of every single sentence.
why do other british people put an x after literally everything they're like "oh my nan just died x" am i missing out on something