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    Updated on Aug 2, 2018. Posted on Sep 18, 2015

    11 People You Get At Every Wedding

    Who invited these weirdos anyway?

    1. The humiliated bridesmaids

    Becky Barnicoat

    These grown women haven’t worn burgundy - or princess dresses - since school, but when better to revisit the look than at a wedding where everybody’s watching?

    2. The paralytic father of the bride

    Becky Barnicoat

    His speech was a triumph of lazy sexist stereotypes, which weighed heavily on the wedding breakfast. Several charges of the glass later he can no longer make words when he opens his mouth, just noises and spit flying everywhere.

    3. The accidentally pornographic tweenage niece

    Becky Barnicoat

    Kitty was a child last year, but a rapid full-body growth spurt means an innocent-looking bandeau dress from Gap Kids has taken on a whole new meaning. Poor Kitty, don’t look.

    4. The fascinator

    Becky Barnicoat

    I’m fascinated by that thing on your head. Like a little hot pink Starship Enterprise that's crash-landed in your chignon. Fascinated.

    5. The halitotic uncle from Canada

    Becky Barnicoat

    “Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhello, whhhhhhhhhooooooooooo are yooooou? Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooow do you know Hhhhhhhhhhhhhannahhhhhh?”

    You are scared that if you reply you will do a sick.

    6. The break dancing toddler

    Becky Barnicoat

    He may be only 15 months old and non-verbal, but look at that kid worm! It’s actually slightly disturbing.

    7. The 104-year-old great aunt

    Becky Barnicoat

    Good on her for making it, we didn’t think she would. Is she still breathing though?

    8. The groom's other brother

    Becky Barnicoat

    We all know and love Dave, the groom’s amazingly fun brother who does a hilarious Philip Schofield impression. Dave’s brilliant. But who the hell is Alan? Alan has the quietly violent air of a Call of Duty player dragged away from an all night session. Alan is scaring us.

    9. The friends from home

    Becky Barnicoat

    Avoid unless you are interested in velux, dulux or reflux.

    10. The last cousin on the dancefloor

    Becky Barnicoat

    Alicia got her groove on the moment the music started, and she’s still here: arrhythmically thrusting her pelvis backwards and forwards, one step behind the beat.

    Oooh! She’s doing a high-velocity shimmy into the middle of the room! Oof. That had to hurt.

    11. The one that couldn't be there

    Becky Barnicoat

    Let’s raise a toast to the one and only Grandpappy Briggs. Love you forever, Grandpappy.