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Harry Potter

Community Contributor

These are fake, but I wish they were real.

I'm Tired Of The Hogwarts Houses So I Made Up New Ones — Which One Do You Belong To?

Which Completely Fake And Entirely Made Up Hogwarts House Do You Belong To?

Which food sounds most appealing right now?

Which real Hogwarts house do you associate yourself with?

Where would you most like to go on Vacation?

The colors of this house are green and purple. The house mascot is a lamp. Those in this house tend to love eating smoked meats, riding camels in unseasonable weather, crocheting tube tops, and bickering about who gets to wear the house's famous top hat made from the woven hair of its founder: Harumpshire Bingley. Most famously, Mr. Bingley was known for his catchphrase "there's always time for pepperoni!"

Plumwurst

A house designated only for the most bootylicious of Hogwarts students, Jellybottom's house colors are red and brown. Their mascot, a Red Delicious apple filled with rat poison perfectly summons the house motto: "poison your enemies or twerk on them until they leave." This house was founded by Mademoiselle Kahlua Tequila just after the song "Milkshake" was released. Students in this house drink mythical cosmos and read each other to filth every night before bed.

Jellybottom

The perfect house for the most forgettable students at Hogwarts. Those placed in this house are truly just average and have nothing special about them at all. If you only wear neutrals, go to bed at a decent hour, and have a completely normal life, this is your house. Represented by the colors black and beige, their mascot is a still-living Golden Retriever named "Buddy." Founded by some guy, I think his name was Dave? Maybe Don? Who knows.

Whatchamacallit

Crestboot is the fanciest and most upper-class of all the houses at Hogwarts. It is the house where students are placed if their parents paid the school a lot of money to have their children here. Those in this house drink dry red wine, only eat cheese boards, and each are given a set of monogrammed towels in the house colors of mahogany and cerulean. This house was founded by some actress who was mad her child was not invited to attend Hogwarts, so she paid the school to create this house. Parents of the students in this house are required to make 7-figure salaries. The mascot is a ribbon-tailed astrapia.

I'm Tired Of The Hogwarts Houses So I Made Up New Ones — Which One Do You Belong To?

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