19 Questions I Have About "Beauty And The Beast" Now That I'm An Adult

Why is Lumière the only character with a French accent?

1. First things first: If we assume the film is set in a French village, how come Lumière is the only character with a French accent?

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2. OK. It's quite obvious that Beast is a tyrant and an asshole. But...did the fairy really need to place a curse on him and EVERYONE ELSE IN THE PALACE? Isn't that a bit extra?

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In other words: If he was a despot and a spoiled brat, he probably treated everyone working with him horribly. So why are they getting punished? What evil could little Chip have done to deserve it?

3. By the way... What kind of prince PERSONALLY opens the doors of his palace every time someone calls at ungodly hours begging for shelter?

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Isn't there a housekeeper in your kingdom, Beast?

4. And doesn't this prince have a family? Like parents or something?

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Let's do the numbers: The prince, once he became Beast, was supposed to have until age 21 to break the curse cast upon him.

When Belle shows up, Lumière says that "10 years have gone by" since the old lady came to the castle door with the "Rose or death" game. Are you telling me that he's been cursed since he was 11 years old? Where were his parents went all that happened? On a beach holiday?

5. Isn't this guy a little too happy considering the day he's having?

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And who gave him that hat?

6. How is it possible for this guy to keep his bookstore running if everyone in the town says that Belle is the only person who reads books and that's why they consider her "the weirdo"?

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Belle is his only customer.

7. Another thing: Belle's favourite book (the one she's read 12 million times) says: "Here's where she meets Prince Charming / But she won't discover that it's him / 'Til Chapter 3." DIDN'T THAT GIVE HER A SPOILER?

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Let's see: Are you reading Beauty and the Beast, Belle?

8. If Beast is supposed to have such a temper, and given that he has meltdowns at the smallest provocation, isn't calling him "Beast" pushing it too far?

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9. Why did some pieces of furniture talk and sing while others were silent?

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10. We never saw the castle's bathrooms. Were they cursed people too?

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WTF.

11. How many children did Mrs. Potts manage to have before the curse? Two hundred? And where the hell is the father of all these kids?

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12. And with all the perfectly fine cups they had in the pantry, why did they always serve guests using the only broken cup?

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These are guests you're trying to impress. Get out the best china!

13. Is Gaston the bar's owner?

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Is that why he has a painting of himself and they let him shoot his gun inside and break the furniture?

14. What happens if Belle touches the rose?

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"No, Belle, don't go to that part of the castle, lest you find out about everything and you empathize with Beast and we end up with no movie."

15. Why doesn't Beast know how to use a spoon? He was born human.

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And, what's more, HE WAS BORN A PRINCE.

16. Why doesn't Lumière ever melt? His face is made of wax.

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And he's always lit!

17. What's this supposed to be?

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18. Wait a moment... Isn't Mrs. Potts too old to have such a small child?

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She's like sixty.

19. And, finally: Why, when the prince transforms...

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...does Belle make THIS FACE as if everything didn't just happen in front of her eyes and she's not sure who this new guy is?

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"Oh, what an enigma... who could this really attractive guy be?"

Seriously, Belle? Seriously?

@ManuPalmer

This post was translated from Spanish.