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Five Abominations New Yorkers Face On The Subway

Whether you're in Brooklyn, Manhattan or Queens, you've likely spent a lot of good minutes of your life waiting and sweating, waiting and sweating...

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1. The Subway DJ's


Contrary to unpopular belief, people don't like it when you play your music through speakers on the train. It's not that you're blasting awful rap or loud metal, it's that we don't want to be forced to hear it. If somebody came up to you on the subway and shoved lobster into your mouth you probably wouldn't be happy, even though lobster is delicious.

One word: headphones.

2. The Pole Leaners


Every morning you ride the subway to work and every morning it's more crowded than the day before. But, for some reason, there always seems to be the person who can't be bothered. Most people are flailing like a lunatic, grasping for a piece of a subway pole to anchor themselves to while Johnny Sportscoat decides to do his best Arthur Fonzarelli impression and leans against the entire pole.

Don't be Johnny Sportscoat—get a spot near one of the inactive doors and park yourself over there.

Sincerely, New York City commuters.

3. The Seat Hogs


Too often do I get into a subway car and see some 17 year old kid sitting on his rear playing games on his phone while an older woman with grocery bags and her purse wobbles back and forth right in front of him. Giving up your seat to an elderly person or pregnant woman isn't a matter of chivalry, it's a matter of decency. Imagine the lady with groceries is your grandma and offer her your seat. Take advantage of those strong, youthful legs.

Takeaway: Treasure the elderly.

4. The Mariachi Bands


Trying to avoid a subway mariachi band is like trying to avoid taxes, cockroaches and those "Dan Smith Will Teach You Guitar" signs. The mariachi members always enter from different doors and somehow manage to be the last person into the train car before the doors close. Instead of trying to flee, pick a spot on the wall to stare at and focus on something less noisy. Remember to stare at your pre-determined spot when that one guy who isn't as musically talented brings around his cowboy hat for donations.

But hey, if you like mariachi bands, then take off your headphones and get out a few dollar bills. Either way, they'll be joining you on a subway trip very, very soon.

5. The Sweat


The summer subway sweats are something that every person has to deal with.

The Dilemma: Get dressed for work in nice clothes and immediately go underground into a sweltering tunnel of heat. Said clothes become wet with sweat and you arrive to work a sticky, sweaty mess.

The A/C on the train will either be broken or blasting an Arctic-like breeze down your spine. Wi-fi at subway stations? How about air conditioning first. I'd rather be cool and relaxed instead of tweeting about how hot I am.

But... at least the sweat doesn't last all year, does it?

Oh, it does. The winter subway sweats are just as real and uncomfortable. You leave your house in the morning prepared to deal with the Hoth-like conditions outside, but you also need to prepare yourself for what lies underground. The train platforms have better heating than most apartment buildings. Good luck getting your jacket and gloves off while trying to swipe your MetroCard.

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