1. Bon Temps, LA
You know, living in a sweaty Louisiana swamp with a bunch of oversexed vampires and underfed werewolves sounds like a pretty sweet deal in theory. In reality, the stakes (ha ha!) are way too high.
2. Amity Island, MA
When you think “tropical getaway,” you usually imagine sun-kissed skin, and drinks you can sip out of coconuts, and bragging about your “tropical getaway” on Instagram to all those suckers stuck at work #onvacation #bejelly. And then there’s Amity Island, home to not one, but three different blood-soaked shark attacks over three different summers. Oh, to live in a world without Yelp.
3. Banshee, PA
You wouldn’t think it from a quick scan of Banshee’s sleepy country streets, but this town’s got itself one hell of a seedy side. When the sheriff’s actually the most notorious thief in the country and the most influential man in town is operating above the law, it’s no small statement to say that Banshee’s got its fair share of big secrets.
4. Sunnydale, CA
The good: it’s a sweet, smiley, sunny California hamlet with a wealth of churches, creeks, ponds, and parks. Yay, suburbia!
The bad: it was founded directly above a Hellmouth — or, for the layman, a malevolent, mystical portal that links directly to, you know, Hell. Yay, creeping threat of demonic dismemberment!
5. Silent Hill, ME
Sure, it may have the soothing name of a suburban bed and breakfast, but this fog-steeped city deals more in flesh-rending terrors that sneak and shriek across its cracked pavement than complimentary omelet bars. And the Wi-Fi hotspots are just atrocious.
6. Angel Grove, CA
Angel Grove is like a rad 90s version of Archie Andrews’ Riverdale, but with fewer freckle-faced teens and more giant killer aliens and ten-ton robots stomping all over city hall. When extraterrestrial threats become a regular part of your week-to-week schedule, you might wanna consider moving.
7. Liberty City
Ranked “Worst Place in America” for lord-knows how many years running, Grand Theft Auto’s Liberty City is what you get when you let New York City bake for a bit too long in an oven pre-heated with cynicism and grime. If you can make it here, then you probably need some serious therapy.
8. Twin Peaks, WA
Driving through a town like Twin Peaks, a man has to wonder. What makes someone capable of murder? What weight does a soul bear when sinister demonic spirits slink in the shadows? And if a piece of the best damn apple pie is good enough, does any of that really matter?
9. Gotham City
Between the abandoned warehouses and rampant reign of murderous supervillains, rent in Bruce Wayne’s digs has to be dirt cheap. (Protip: if a neighborhood has a side-street called “Crime Aley,” don’t move there.) Even the siren song of soul crooner R. Kelly couldn’t sugarcoat the misfortune that seeps from Gotham’s mafioso-infested slums.
10. Raccoon City
Ugh, ever since those zombies moved in, this whole city’s gone straight to hell. Can’t even walk down the street anymore without some braindead, flesh-eating monstrosity ripping your intestines out and chowing down on ‘em like Fruit by the Foot. That’s just sooo typical.