This Is Not The Book You’re Looking For

I’m so confused by this. Someone find me a professional bibliographer before my head explodes! If you’ve ever come across two totally different books with the exact same title, feel free to comment about it.

1. I was looking for Animal Farm by George Orwell…

But instead did a double take at this amazingly creepy erotica doppleganger by Ian Smith. From Amazon, which summarizes it better than I could: “Ali has arrived at a remote Sussex house for a weekend she will never forget, as her Sixth Labour. Here she encounters other ‘slavegirls’, each with a derogatory name marked on their chests, each with the injunction that this weekend they are not slaves, they are bitches and not allowed to talk.”

2. I was looking for The Tempest by William Shakespeare…

O, what a brave new world that has such books in it. Instead of the classic play by the Bard of Avon, I seem to have found a questionable romance novel about Guy of Gisbourne. I’ve never read it, but the Amazon users praise the “hot sex scenes,” so there you go.

3. I was looking for It by Stephen King…

But ironically found It by Craig Groeschel. There’s no evil clowns to be found here, just a treatise on Christian leadership by the guy who founded Lifechurch Television. Yawn.

4. I was looking for The Firm by John Grisham…

But found Bill Smith’s version instead. Apparently, it’s the “quintessential novel on the most exotic aspects of homoerotic slavery.” I’ll have to take Amazon’s word for it, since I don’t consider myself well-versed in the matters of homoerotic slavery. I’m sure someone here is an expert and can fill us in.

5. I was looking for White Noise by Don DeLillo…

But instead got White Noise, a pop-up book “for Children of All Ages.” Admittedly, it’s hard to hate a pop-up book, but this White Noise can’t match up to DeLillo’s postmodern critique of 1980s America. If it’s any consolation, you can’t see the barn in this version either.

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