In Retrospect, That Commercial From 2009 Is Definitely About Incest
Really gives new meaning to "the best part of waking up."
Remember this commercial from 2009? If you haven't seen it in a while, watch it again.
An aid worker who has spent months in West Africa returns home for the holidays.
His girlfriend watches as he approaches with hungry, wanting eyes.
She runs to meet him at the door, that same penetrating look in her eyes. The type of look that says, "I'm so excited. I've been aching for this moment for months."
He jokes about not knowing her, delaying her gratification, making them both yearn for what's about to happen.
Except, then she points at herself and says, "Sister!" WHAT?! I guess they're not lovers? I guess they're siblings? Huh.
The two then engage in a LOOOONG, tender hug. Weirdly long. Weirdly tender.
Okay, fine. She's excited to see her brother. I guess that explains why she was so excited. I guess. He then gives her a present, and gives her this look.
Only, she doesn't seem very interested in his present. She seems interested in something else altogether.
Then she just comes out with it, telling him EXACTLY what she wants. Looking his body up and down, her eyes filled with lust, she says...
Stop it! Those aren't the eyes of a loving brother! Those are bedroom eyes!
Finally, their parents walk in. They reluctantly break their gaze. Another moment of promising flirtation lost. Maybe next year, perverts.
Still not convinced? Well, how about the fact that there are 13 EROTIC STORIES about the commercial on the fanfiction site AO3?
It's even got it's own special tag:
Here's a passage from the best one, titled "Sinners, Saints and Thieves":
"Here." Holding the cup in one hand, he reached into his knapsack with the other and presented her with the gift he'd bought in Accra and wrapped in the airport while he was waiting for his flight. "I brought you something from far away."
Jesus, Josh, you did not just say—
But her eyes lit up, and she didn't even tease him for saying something so stupid.
"Really?" She turned the little box over in her hand. He stole just one glance at her, then focused on the cup he held.
Nicole murmured "aw," as she examined the wrapping. Just as he decided it was safe to take a sip of his coffee, just as he began to hope he could get through this Christmas without thinking things that would make him hate himself for all the rest of his life, she plucked the red bow off the box and pressed it to his shoulder.
He didn't get it; even chuckled a little, and asked "what are you doing?"
Nicole, brimming with all sincerity and a depth of affection he knew he did not deserve, said "you're my present this year," and smiled.
Shit fuck, Jesus why didn't he know any worse words than that? Because the things he was feeling right now . . . there needed to be worse words for people who felt like that.
Thank everything he did and didn't believe in, that was when Mom and Dad walked in. He almost lunged for Mom, wrapping his arms around her as much with frantic gratitude as anything else.
"Merry Christmas," he said, and Mom's happy squeal, Dad's friendly hand on his shoulder, made him feel like the absolute worst kind of worm. There's no way they'd be glad to see him if they knew what he'd been thinking about their daughter.