1. The Doppelgänger Technique:
2. The "No Need for Med School" Method:
3. The Double Fake-Out (Cat Variant):
4. The "Refuse to Clarify" Maneuver:
5. The "Pasty Torso" Technique:
6. The "Pet Overload" Method:
7. The Patriotic Method:
8. The "Maybe They'll Think They're Actually Taking to a Dog?" Technique:
9. The Easter Surprise:
10. The "Colossal Cantaloupe" Maneuver:
11. The "Laugh to Keep From Crying" Technique:
12. The "String Them Along for as Long as Possible" Move:
13. The "Jake From State Farm" Ploy:
14. The "Surprise White Dudes" Technique:
15. The Uncomfortable Close-Up:
16. The "Wait...Are They Supposed to Be TIGHT?!" Response:
17. The "Wandering Oaken" Greeting:
18. The "I'll Be Right There":
19. The "Unnecessarily Mean" Move:
20. The "Deadbeat Dad" Technique:
21. The "This Is Helpful, Thoughtful Advice" Technique:
22. And if all else fails, hit them with a Baby Cage:
