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The 5 Stages Of Playing "5 Nights At Freddy's"

How about NO nights at Freddy's?

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STAGE 1: OBLIVIOUS ENTHUSIASM

Okay! This doesn't seem so bad! Nice office I've got here. Little fan to keep me cool, a couple of doors on either side of me. Yeah, I think I'll be just fine here. What could possibly go wrong?

Might as well check out the security camera feeds.

Okay! Well… I'm not going to lie, I don't LOVE the creepy animatronics, but as long as they stay in the show stage area, we're good.

So far, so good! Everything seems pretty quiet in the dining room area. Better check backstage again… just to be safe.

FUCK NOPE!

STAGE II: HESITANT EXPERIMENTATION

Okay. Let's try this again...

Good. Great. Everyone just stay put. We can get through this as long as everyone just stays put. This is good. This is fine.

I'm gonna go ahead and shut the doors in the office... just to be safe.

What the FUCK?! What kind of door is this?

What happens when I run out of power?

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! HOW DOES A DOOR USE UP THAT MUCH POWER?!

OH GOD, HE'S RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR?! WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?

STAGE III: MORBID FASCINATION

Shit. There was a bird here before, wasn't there? Where the hell did it go?

AAAAAH! FUCK!

Okay... this is okay. It's still way on the far side of the building, there's no way it'll reach the office before 6am, right? I just need to try to hold out for as long as possible.

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

HA!

I WIN YOU DUMB FUCKING BIRD! I'd like to see you TRY to get through that door. I've got like a billion hours of power left. No way you're getting into this room before morning. I win. You lose, you stupid robot.

STAGE IV: STUBBORN ANGER

FINE! I WON'T EVEN LOOK AT THE SECURITY CAMERA FEEDS AT ALL! YOU CAN'T SNEAK UP ON ME IF I JUST SIT HERE WATCHING THE DOORS!

LET'S SEE YOU TRY SOMETHING NOW, DICKHEADS!

STAGE V: DOGGED DETERMINATION

LET'S DO THIS YOU ROBOTIC SHITS! WHERE YOU AT? COME AT ME! I FUCKING DARE YOU TO MAKE A FUCKING MOVE!

That's what I thought, punk bitches.

You stay right there in Pirate's Cove, ass hat.

Halls are clear...

Robots are right where they belong...

I might actually pull this off! I think I might actually get through the night! This might actually happen!

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

I MADE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT! HAHAHAHA!

I BEAT THEM! I BEAT FREDDY! I BEAT THAT FUCKING FOX! I AM THE KING OF ALL ROBOTS! BOW DOWN BEFORE YOUR NEW MASTER!