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    The 24 Best Parts About Never, Ever Having Kids

    Ban children.

    1. You get to spend YOUR money on whatever YOU want. Like awesome decals for your car.

    2. And you won't have some mooch sapping all your resources.

    3. You'll never have to worry about whether or not you'll wake up feeling well-rested.

    4. Chipotle burritos for life.

    5. You never need to worry about this:

    6. Or this:

    7. Or this. Oh god, especially this:

    8. Your face never has that look of crushing resignation.

    9. You're not the bane of retail workers everywhere.

    10. You never have to attend a Wiggles concert.

    11. You can still have sex.

    12. You will never force your Facebook friends to look at pictures of actual human shit.

    13. You never need to put up with a child's brutal honesty.

    14. You'll always be welcome in mosh pits.

    15. You never have to pretend that you suck at hide-and-go-seek.

    16. Your hopes and dreams will always be safe.

    17. And your life will always be exciting.

    18. You can own nice, expensive things like televisions...

    19. ...and furniture...

    20. ...and cars without worrying about your kids destroying them.

    21. And you'll never need to clean up another human's poop in your life.

    22. Best of all, you'll live a healthier...

    23. ...longer...

    24. ...and more fulfilling life!

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