Well...
Here's why...
1. You don't floss as much as you should.
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2. You take in way too many carbs.
3. And way too much cheese.
4. In fact, you don't really pay attention to what you put in your body at all.

5. And you don't care.

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6. Yet you're not above shaming others for their habits.

7. Because you've got terrible impulse control.

8. You drink too much.
9. In fact, you have a hard time coping when you're sober.
10. You've also got substance abuse problems.
11. You're not as well-educated as you could be.

12. You are essentially unemployable.
13. You're not terribly continental.
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14. You never really think all the way through a plan before you start it.

15. You don't appreciate nature.
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16. Or animals.
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17. You're prone to excessive jingoism.
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18. You've got an Oedipus complex.
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19. You're not great with kids.
20. You're prone to violence.
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21. You're not a great listener.
22. You're critical of your friends.
23. And you're never really there for them.
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24. You steal.

25. You play too many video games.
26. You always want to be the center of attention.
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27. And you've got no sense of shame.
28. You don't know as much about echinoderms as you think you do.
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29. And you eat stickers all the time.
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