1. "Whit's fir ye'll no go by ye." – When you thought you'd missed your chance.
2. "Keep the heid!" – When you were going radge.
3. "Gonnae no dae that!" – When you were being annoying.
4. "You're no the full shillin'.'" – When you were being weird.
5. "What did yer last slave die of?" – If you asked her for a favour.
6. "Yer bum's out the windae." – When you were talking nonsense.
7. "Yer talkin' mince." – When your chat got particularly silly.
8. "Get it doon ye!" – When you wouldn't take your medicine.
9. "Get to bed or Wee Willy Winkie will get ye!" – When you wouldn't go to sleep.
10. "Mony a mickle macks a muckle." – When you needed to save money.
11. "If ye dinnae stop yer greetin' I'll gie ye something to greet fir!" – When you wouldn't stop crying (although this threat usually made you cry more).
12. "Yer a wee chancer!" – When you were being a cheeky bugger.
13. "Skinny malinky long legs." – When you started to grow out of your clothes.
14. "Speak o' the devil." – When you came in as she was talking about you.
15. "Haud your wheesht!" – When you wouldn't stop talking.
16. "Och, ah dinnae ken." – When she was bored of your questions.
17. "Away an gie's peace." – And when she needed a bit of a break.
18. "You're such a slitter!" – When you spilled your dinner on yourself.
19. "Did ye aye?" – When you told a tall tale.
20. "A wee birdie told me…" – (Usually) when someone had ratted you out.
21. "Beggars cannae be choosers." – When she bought food you didn't like.
22. "You're lookin' awfy peely wally." – When you tried a lighter shade of foundation.
23. "Do you think I'm daft?" – When you were trying to get away with murder.
24. "Ah've got eyes in the back o' ma heid!" – When she caught you doing something sneaky.
25. "If the wind changes yer face'll stay like that!" – Whenever you frowned.
26. "Do you think ah button up the back?" – When she knew you were telling a fib.
27. "Who's she? The cat's mother?" – Whenever you referred to her as "she".
28. "Burny burny." – When you reached for the pot of boiling water
29. "Don't be a wee clipe!" – Whenever you were being a telltale.
30. "If you eat yer crusts yer hair'll go curly!" – When you ate every part of a sandwich other than the edges.
31. "I'll pick you up at the back of three." – When she wasn't sure when she'd arrive (and it usually meant you'd be waiting for ages).
32. "Be careful what you wish for." – When you were coming out with daft ideas.
33. "Yer a wee scunner so ye are!" – When you were doing something you knew you shouldn't.
34. "Would ye mind lettin' yer face know?" – When you were suffering from a case of resting grump face. (Usually preceded by "Are ye having a guid time?")
35. "Don't you dare go down that street; the bogeyman lives there." – When you had a habit of wandering off.
36. "Santa's watchin!" – When you were misbehaving.
37. "Are your lugs painted on?!" – When you asked her to repeat a question.
38. "You're such a blether." – When you wouldn't stop talking.
39. "Yer aff yer heid." – When you were being a daftie.
40. "You've got a face only a mither could love!" – When she wanted to tease you.
41. "Your jaiket's on a shoogly peg." – When you were on your final warning.
42. "You'd get a piece at anybody's door." – When you turned on the charm.
