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    Posted on Sep 30, 2015

    If "Pitch Perfect" Were Set In Glasgow

    "Hands in, aca-fannies."

    Claudiodivizia / Getty Images / Universal Pictures / Amazon.com / BuzzFeed

    1. The movie would have started with Aubrey whitey-ing all over the audience at their Britain's Got Talent audition.

    2. Probably due the dangerous combination of Sainsbury's own brand vodka, MD 20:20, and pizza crunch the night before.

    3. The video would have over 1 million views after it was shared by Fail Army and Scottish Comedy on Facebook.

    4. Beca would arrive at Strathclyde Uni in a Hampden cab.

    5. She would be an edgy girl with a love of Frightened Rabbit and Chvrches, but an equal love for mixing mainstream pop songs.

    6. Her lifelong dream would be to DJ at Kushion.

    7. But her dad would have persuaded her to go to uni in exchange for front row tickets to Calvin Harris at The Barras.

    8. Aubrey and Chloe would try to persuade her to join the top a cappella group on campus: the Strathclyde Stunners.

    9. But would instead attract the attention of Chunky Amy.

    10. "So skinny malinkies like you don't do it behind my back."

    11. The Strathclyde Stunners wouldn't have had much competition with only one other group at uni: the Chanters.

    12. Initiation night would consist of TPing Central Station, streaking down Sauchiehall Street, and getting a cheeky selfie on the Duke of Wellington statue.

    13. Most girls would get in, but a couple would be told to get tae fuck after being caught shaggin' the Chanters.

    14. Beca would meet Jesse at her internship at Clyde One, a bit of a swot and a member of rival team the Chanters.

    15. The movie would follow both groups re-auditioning for Britain's Got Talent.

    16. Despite practicing their singing at Shanghai Shuffle Karaoke…

    17. …their dancing at Sub Club…

    18. …and their horizontal running at Bellahouston…

    19. …the Strathclyde Stunners' gig at the Buchanan Gallery steps would have not gone down well, with more attention being paid to Leo The Silent Raver.

    20. Aubrey would be intent on covering Lulu's Shout at their audition, despite zero enthusiasm from the audience at previous performances.

    21. Whilst Bumper would have chosen Summer by Calvin Harris for the Chanters.

    22. As a result, the Chanters would have gotten 4 yeses to the Strathclyde Stunners' 3.

    23. Which would have made Aubrey pure fumin'.

    24. After a fight breaks out at auditions, Beca would get lifted by the polis.

    25. But would be bailed out by Jesse who would have been a clipe and told Beca's dad.

    26. "Are you aff yer heid Jesse?!"

    27. The Strathclyde Stunners would still be told at call backs that they'd made it through to the semi-finals.

    28. "Hands in, aca-fannies!"

    29. On the way to the semis, Bumper would chuck a Greggs steak bake at Chunky Amy.


    30. Once there, Beca would try to spice up Shout a bit by adding an impromptu verse from I Would Walk 500 Miles by The Proclaimers.

    31. Which again would make Aubrey ragin'.

    32. "FFS Beca whit the f*ck wis that?!"

    33. After initially being told they'd failed, after a certain dog was disqualified due to using a stunt double they'd get through to the final.

    34. After some persuasion and a few drunken DMCs, the group would decide to go with Beca's more modern style in the BGT final.

    35. The Stunners would perform Beca's arrangement, which would be a mash up of I Need Your Love by Calvin Harris and Candy by Paolo Nutini.

    36. it would also include the theme to Trainspotting, one of Jesse's favourite films.

    37. The Stunners would beat The Chanters in the BGT final and would be the biggest Scottish act since Susan Boyle.

    38. And Beca and Jesse would be caught winchin' in the audience.

    39. The last scene would skip to six years later as the Strathclyde Stunners were preparing to go on The Big Reunion.

    40. During the six years, Beca would have fulfilled hear dream of DJ-ing at Kushion...

    41. ...Aubrey would have come in last on I'm A Celeb...

    42. ...and Chunky Amy would have toured the UK as a double act with Kevin Bridges.

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