1. When your dog walks in and just stands there and STARES.
2. Or the cat's all like: "Hey guys, what's going on here?"
3. But it could be worse, it could be your parents who do the interrupting.
No mum, now is not the time to tell me the boiler is broken.
4. When a girl ferociously bounces up and down...
And somehow manages to miss the penis entirely.
5. When things don't seem to be going "in".
You keep trying and trying and trying until BOOM.
Accidental anal. *shudders*
6. When you go a little gung-ho with your deep throat.
Gag reflex activated.
7. When you've got a "one pump wonder" on your hands ....literally.
8. When your sweaty chests rub together to make a fart symphony leading you to burst out laughing.
And laughing...
Mood = killed.
9. When you’re in the moment and the other person says something terribly off-putting.
10. When "man juice" lands right in your eyeball.
11. And you have to tell everyone you have pink eye the next day.
12. When prickly facial stubble gives you one helluva rash.
13. When the other person passes out because they’re so drunk/tired.
14. When YOU pass out because you're so drunk/tired.
15. When you're getting jiggy with it during hayfever season and a big sneeze comes on.
16. When you break wind right in their face.
No more 69 for you.
17. Or you're chilling post-coital thinking all sexual disasters have been averted. Cue queef/fart/squelch.
Body, why you betray me?
18. When you decide to be brave and ask: “So, was I the biggest you've ever had?" and they're like:
19. When it's all so passionate you don't care it's that time of the month. And then you wake up...
20. When you have your music on shuffle and suddenly this comes on:
I don't want to be thinking about mum right now.
21. When sex cramps strike and your limbs lose all feeling.
22. Or pubes keep getting stuck in your teeth and you have to cough out a massive hairball.
23. When your Argos bed decides it can't be bothered to be a bed anymore...
Shall we just continue on the floor?
24. When you both know things aren't really happening for you but everyone just continues like there's no problem.
No one wants a Chinese burn on their genitals.
25. When you’re having sex and you look at the window and make eye contact with your neighbour.
26. When you're experimenting with cream/lube/body oils and you get an allergic reaction.
27. And lastly, you're lying next to each other and post-sex euphoria gives way to SHEER TERROR: the condom is nowhere to be seen.
