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How Annoying Are You Going To Be At Coachella?

Use this informative checklist to find out.

Posted on
  1. Check all that apply to you and your Coachella-bound self!

    Check
    There's a never ending list of Drake lyrics titled "POSSIBLE INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS?!?" tucked away inside of my Notes app
    Check
    I stayed up all night long studying the festival map, and I now know the exact latitude and longitude of where the sun shines the brightest for optimal selfie lighting
    Check
    There is a feathered headdress somewhere in my proximity
    Check
    I've entertained the thought of asking Vanessa Hudgens for a selfie, even though I'm like, "I could definitely find somebody more famous, but if I'm desperate, she'll do"
    Check
    I posted a picture of my VIP wristband on Instagram
    Check
    I plan on checking into the VIP area on Facebook
    Check
    If the opportunity to go backstage to meet Kendall Jenner or Tyler, The Creator arises, I will abandon my friends and do so, because fuck it — I need those Instagram likes!
    Check
    I plan on going "live" on a social media platform at some point over the weekend
    Check
    I've been talking about "vibes" and how the moon's cycle will affect my weekend mood for the past three weeks
    Check
    ~ * ~ VIBES ~ * ~
    Check
    I'm friends with a DJ playing the 1-2PM slot in the Yuma tent, and honestly, it's gotten to my head a little bit
    Check
    I'm going to wear an In-N-Out t-shirt because I am Cali AF (even though I'm from a small town on the East Coast and this is my first time in California)
    Check
    I have multiple phone cases packed, each one corresponding to a different outfit
    Check
    One of my tops has fringes hanging off of it that are long enough to trip and kill somebody walking past me
    Check
    A man bun with a feather sticking out of it is currently resting atop my head in all its glory
    Check
    I am making the conscious decision to live inside of a pitched tent at a music festival for three days
    Check
    I hope to catch Marshmello's set
    Check
    I'll be rockin' a bindi on my forehead because it's chill and trendy
    Check
    I'm making the nicest, most innocent friend with the best career in the friend group and the most to lose hold the group's drugs inside of their sock
    Check
    Honestly, I'm probably going to forget to apply deodorant at some point
    Check
    I didn't pack any shirts because this is my one weekend to show off my abs, arms, and pectoral muscles that I spend most of my waking life working on at my expensive gym
    Check
    NO, I WILL NOT TAKE MY SUNGLASSES OFF BECAUSE IT'S NIGHTTIME! I'M RAGING TO NICOLAS JAAR, YA DICK.
    Check
    I have a kid, and yes, I am dragging them to Coachella, because it is essential that they hear Kendrick Lamar's new album on a quality sound system
    Check
    ~ * ~ The universe brought me to Coachella because it was meant to be that I live, laughed, and loved right here in this moment in time ~ * ~
    Check
    !! xx * ~ * MoON ChiLd VibEz * ~ * xx !!
    Check
    I work in music, a client I represent is performing, and you will know this because I will tell you at any lull in the conversation which provides me with this opportunity
    Check
    Yes, I will use the Snapchat flower crown filter on top of my actual flower crown that is on my actual head
    Check
    I love music. I am here only for music. Music is my life. My iPod? Full of music. Everybody needs to know I love music. Now please tell me which stage Chet Faker is performing at.
    Check
    Wait, am I at a thrift shop's "EVERYTHING MUST GO IMMEDIATELY" lawn sale?
    Check
    I know it's 89 degrees and I'm in the desert, but my black leather jacket is not coming off of me
    Check
    MY HOROSCOPE SAID THIS WOULD BE THE WEEKEND I MEET MY MATCH!
    Check
    I am PRO music festival marriage proposals. They're not cheesy whatsoever.
    Check
    Kale juice, ginger, activated charcoal, DRUGS, DRUGS, DRUGS, DRUGS, ginger, ginger, more ginger, repeat
    Check
    I don't always apply hand sanitizer after using the porta-potty
    Check
    Sure, I'd pick my nose in the crowd and flick the booger on a fashion blogger's new Gucci shirt, I don't give a rat's ass
    Check
    I'm a fashion blogger
    Check
    I brought a personal stylist and photographer to Coachella with me
    Check
    I am Jaden Smith
    Check
    I only drink refrigerated boxed coconut water with a pH of 10.4
    Check
    I hope to befriend Adriana Lima's moisturized, bronzed left boob
    Check
    I will sit on someone's shoulders during the show and obstruct the view of others who paid money to be there
    Check
    I will get separated from my friend group. I will then text them to come to [X] location. I will then move from that location and lose phone service, causing chaos within the group. I will never find my friends again.
    Check
    There is a braid in my hair and it's pulling on my scalp and I'm suffering but beauty is pain
    Check
    I'm a groupie and I'm not ashamed
    Check
    I am wearing a fedora
    Check
    I am for sure going to lose my wallet, and if not the whole thing, all of my cash
    Check
    I throw things like banana peels and water bottles at the musician on stage if I don't like the song they're performing
    Check
    I was paid to attend Coachella by a sponsor
    Check
    I CROWD SURF BECAUSE YEAH, OF COURSE A GROUP OF TIRED, DEHYDRATED STRANGERS WANT TO CARRY THE WEIGHT OF MY LIFELESS BODY. YUP!
    Check
    Why did I even come here?
    Check
    I miss my parents
 
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