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    Jan 28, 2019

    22 Reasons Life Gets Better After A Breakup

    Breakups really suck, no matter what. But after the I-don't-want-to-do-anything-bed-slug phase, with some patience and a little time, life gets better. Here's why.

    You upgrade your style and it feels good.

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    Okay yes you have $10 to your name, $15 if we're including your Venmo balance but don't act like you haven't been tossing old clothes while you flirt with the cute top and boots sitting in your online shopping cart. Whether it's a new wardrobe, new haircut or new haircolor, breakups tend to be the chaotic fire you need to burn down the old and bring in the new. Run with it. Or shall we say, walk with it. Down the runway. Of your life.

    Music becomes amplified.

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    Music is pretty awesome when you're happy and on that natural feel-good high of life. But did you notice when you're sad it hits you like Ahhhhh MAN. Romantic and sad songs can hurt but it's pretty dope that if you're gonna have to suffer through heartbreak, at least all your playlists are suddenly amplified. You feel pain harder as well as pleasure. Have you had the spiritual experience of jamming to Lemonade (Beyonce), So What? (P!nk), Needed Me (Rihanna) or Thank U, Next (Ariana Grande) post-breakup? No? Enjoy.

    You learn what you DON'T like ... and what you DO.

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    An ended relationship often feels like you wasted a chunk of your precious life and time. You could see it that way, or you could see it as a hard lesson LEARNED. With each relationship you have, you learn a little bit more about what works for you and what doesn't. I'm so ****ing grateful for my ex ... Just remember YOU did the work to learn the lessons, not them.

    You save money.

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    We're not sure how being in a relationship became so expensive, but it did. Netflix and chill can make a couple feel stagnant so you may have found yourself spending money to literally buy happiness by going out or paying for getaways and vacations. Or maybe you were spending a lot of moolah to try and fix their problems. And problems they made your problem. No more! Cash money is in YOUR bank now.

    Leisure time is yours again.

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    In an unbalanced relationship you may have found yourself stretched thin between work and making time for your past S.O. which often leads to resentment. No more! Leisure time is YOUR time and while you might feel lost at first on what to do, it's a much needed opportunity to get back in tune with yourself and creating your own joy. Let's make 2019 the year that your happiness is not co-dependent on the actions of others, yeah?

    It becomes easier to go for what you really want.

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    You start eating where you (actually) want to eat because your decision is no longer tied to someone else. No more of those grueling "I don't know, where do you wanna eat?" "I'll eat anything" back and forth convos. No more debating or compromising the spots you want to hit up. It doesn't stop with food. Been wanting to move to a new city? A new apartment? Go for that new job opportunity? New hobby? When a relationship doesn't work you may find it is easier to go for things you withheld from yourself for the sake of preserving a relationship. Now it's your time.

    You develop a feisty sting to your personality (silver lining of being in so much pain)

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    For how sucky heartbreak is to go through, there's gotta be a diamond made from all the pressure. Learned from the pain, turned out amazing.

    Your creativity thrives.

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    If you're an artist of any kind, your work is about to be fire. Being temporarily in a dark place tends to inspire very raw and visceral stuff so milk it while it's happening. Don't worry, your work is still gonna be awesome when you're feeling better. It's all about knowing what season you're in and playing to its strengths.

    You remember how to love yourself.

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    In an unhealthy relationship it becomes very easy to give so much of yourself to someone else. Oftentimes we don't even realize it until it's too late. Post breakup is THE perfect time to let go of everything that doesn't work for you, realign those chakras, block those numbers, list your priorities and become a glamorous goal getter. Do you remember how it feels to be in love with yourself and your life? Get ready.

    You gain life experience that can't be bought.

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    There's a special grace that comes with getting your heart broken. (Oh, is that so??) But seriously, this life experience can't be bought or learned for you. It's one of those things where you kind of have to go through it to get those tiger stripes. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it sucks. But if you see your heartbreak as an opportunity to revel in your strength, resilience and bounce-back-ability, that's serious self love and growth you can't fake. Seize the opportunity.

    You find out who your friends are and deal with it accordingly.

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    When people in your life realize you're single, things get interesting ... People tend to show their intentions more than ever. You find out who actually wants to be there for you (and not just party with you). You also unfortunately find out which of your *friends* are creepers when they suddenly offer a "shoulder to cry on" or to "be a friend, let's get coffee/drinks" but really want to take advantage of you in a vulnerable state and get some. This can be annoying but it's also a huge opportunity to shed friendships and acquaintances that you don't want to have around anyway and for people to show you who they really are.

    You're free from everything you compromised.

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    That thing your ex told you they didn't like about you or didn't want you to do? Yeah, all bets are off. You no longer have to tolerate the annoying things they did that you pretended to not mind or even *like*. Let's not repeat that shall we? Learn what you like and don't like, and adjust what you tolerate in your life accordingly. Thank U, Next.

    You stop living in a vacuum.

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    Sometimes couples drop off the face of the planet when they get together. While we can excuse a cute, healthy honey moon phase, prolonged out of sight out of mind phases are often a sign of an unhealthy relationship. When you're in one, you don't realize it of course but once you're out of it, it really hits you. Why? Because you realize you don't have any actual friends, don't know what you actually enjoy doing or what brings you happiness without depending on the presence or acceptance of another person. You're forced to be back out in the world and no longer in your cove of false safety. Trust me, this is a good thing. You'll flail for a bit and it'll be awkward but after that it's boss mode. Own it.

    Your social media posts tend to get wittier.

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    Being happy and in love is really cute and wonderful but did you notice how witty and sharp you get with the comebacks and the tweets when you're single? I'm not sure what it is, but if it's a perk of going thru heartbreak, I'll take it.

    You have more time for loved ones.

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    Sometimes we neglect family and friends when we're in a toxic relationship. Especially if you were on the rocks for awhile, battling to make it work -- that takes a toll on your energy. Take this opportunity to connect with the ones you love that really love you. Your heartbroken self probably just wants nothing but to get a text from the ex but trust me - reconnecting with the right people who truly care for your well being is pure magic and soul medicine. Seek it out.

    You clean out your closet.

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    Does it spark joy? No? Tell em boy, bye. Being in post-breakup phase definitely can inspire you to clean out your literal closet at home but it also tends to automatically put your mind in reflection mode. You think about thought patterns, beliefs and goals that perhaps don't work for you anymore and start to make changes. It's work and it takes time - but the benefits are mad worth it.

    Let's be real: you get tougher.

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    After you get really sad, you get really mad (or maybe the other way around) and the result of that is a tougher cookie. (You). It rocks. Find healthy ways to let out that aggression and revel in your newly gained badassery.

    Your BS detector gets upgraded.

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    You think after all that mess you're gonna be dumb about it? I mean, you COULD do that and repeat the whole painful process by getting with a new beau with the same issues OR ... you could get smarter.

    You become more independent.

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    Becoming single when you didn't want to be hurts. Being lonely when all you want is a lover is painful. But let's face it - the solo time makes you have to lean on a person who loves you a lot: you. Being alone gives you the chance to restore and rejuvenate your trust in yourself. Learn how to enjoy time with yourself without needing someone else there. Learn how to make yourself laugh. Learn what you like. Empower yourself.

    You become more free from your phone.

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    You don't have to keep checking your phone to make sure you are being a good BF/GF and giving the text back, the good night or the good morning. Okay, maybe you're obsessively hoping the ex will text you or using your side account to peek at their Story (stop it). But honestly, now that you're single and free you really don't have to be looking at your phone, period. Stop the scrolling and obsessive peeks and look up. Your life is happening in the real world and the future you're about to build does NOT become any more real by scrolling mindlessly for hours. Trust.

    You make your own plans and have no need to ask permission.

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    No more double checking with them to see if you can go out to the club this Friday, go here for the holidays or take that spontaneous getaway you found on Groupon. You want to tell me you miss having to ask someone for permission to do things? No! DOBBY IS A FREE ELF.

    You experience your lowest - in order to WANT to rise, phoenix mode, to your highest.

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    The reality is, you have to experience some serious lows to really appreciate what life feels like at the top. You may be at rock bottom now but honestly, this is where the best stories begin. Rise, dear phoenix. This isn't the end. Allow yourself to be sad, be mad, be still, be whatever you need to be and heal. When you're ready, show em what you've got.

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