18 Babysitters Who Fucked Up So Royally They Should Get Crowns
"I accidentally let their child watch porn."
1. "I was working on a college paper while babysitting when I noticed that the 2-year-old wasn't watching TV with her siblings. I went upstairs to check on her and discovered that she had finger-painted her entire room WITH HER OWN POOP! It was everywhere! I panicked and tried to clean her and the room up, when the parents got home and said, 'Oh no, not again...'"
2. "The parents had said that the 7-year-olds could use the computer, so we were watching YouTube videos like Duck Song and Planet Earth. Then they continued to play on the computer while I made dinner. At the dinner table, the little boy suddenly shouted, 'Guess what I saw on the internet? A girl licking a guy's WIENER!' I freaked out and had to explain to the parents that I had accidentally let their child watch porn!"
3. "I was babysitting my 8-year-old cousin who was hitting me with a pillow, so I sacked him back with one, and he fell and knocked his tooth out."
4. "I was a live-in nanny for four kids, and I made them some milkshakes with a tropical punch I found in the fridge. The kids calmed down, had a very chill evening, and went to bed pretty easily. When the mom got home, I told her about the milkshakes and she started laughing. Turns out she'd mixed in some liquor a while back and intended to drink it later. I had gotten her kids drunk!"
5. "One night, I lifted the 2-year-old I was babysitting into the air like Simba and SMACKED HIS HEAD ON THE FUCKING CEILING FAN! He didn't even cry, he just continued laughing. But I texted his mom immediately to warn her of potential brain damage."
6. "I was helping at a kid's birthday party when I was swarmed by a bunch of little boys who duct-taped me and used me as a soccer ball in the bounce house."
7. "I had to babysit my 6-year-old cousin, and my boyfriend came over. While on a walk, my cousin said she had to poop. But instead of waiting until we got home, she pulled down her pants and took a fantastically huge dump on someone's porch, the whole time laughing like a maniac!"
8. "I was drinking a Red Bull because I was babysitting after work. I had left it on the table while I used the bathroom, and when I came out, the 2-year-old was finishing it off. She ran around in circles uncontrollably for twenty minutes before wiping out and sleeping for the rest of the day."
9. "I was babysitting my 4-year-old neighbor, and I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she didn't want to work, she just wanted to marry someone rich. I told her that was called a 'trophy wife.' Later, when her teacher asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, she told the whole class she was going to be a trophy wife."
10. "My best friend and I babysat my 2-year-old neighbor, and she kept asking for 'juice' from an unmarked pitcher in the fridge. It smelled like grape juice, so we let her drink it. Ten minutes after putting her down for a nap, we found her standing at the top of the stairs saying the word 'squishy!' over and over while covered in the biggest poo-explosion I’d ever seen! Turns out, the grape juice was actually PRUNE juice, and she'd been drinking it ALL day long!"
11. "One of the kids I was babysitting had fake handcuffs, but I had no idea they actually locked until he locked my hands behind me and I realized I was stuck. I had to have the kid call my mom to come help me get out of them."
12. "I had just finished babysitting and went to pull out the weed I'd bought earlier, but couldn't find it anywhere. When I went back to babysit a week later, it was on the family's table next to a gardening pamphlet about taking care of your weeds."
13. "I was babysitting for two families at once and lost track of the small dog. So we started looking for it, and when we checked outside, we saw something dark floating in the pool. All of the kids started crying hysterically and I told them to go back inside, and it was then that the dog ran out from underneath the couch. Turns out the floating object was a dead bird...but the parents weren't so happy with all of the crying children."
14. "Once, the little girl I was babysitting climbed on top of the fridge where the knives were and started screaming that she was going to stab me, forcing me to lock myself in the bathroom. She then stabbed around under the bathroom door and screamed until she finally passed out on the couch."
15. "I was hungover and babysitting a group of kids. One of my favorite games to play with them is 'Run!' — it gets them tired, and then we watch a movie. Well, I was running with them and started sweating, then suddenly smelled all the alcohol I'd been drinking the night before. I had the booze sweats! And one little girl told me I smelled like her grandma."
16. "The kids I was babysitting were outside playing with Nerf guns, when they came running back into the house screaming, 'We killed a bird!' Turns out, they shot a robin in the head and it fell to the ground dead!"
17. "I was a teenager and had only gotten my period a few times, when I babysat a group of kids at my church. I'm an extremely heavy bleeder and had gone through all three pads I'd brought with me. I asked around frantically if anyone had a spare pad, and finally a woman found a pack of tiny pads for me. I lined up two of them in my underwear, then went in the bounce house with the kids, knowing that I was bleeding through my panties...and bled onto a bounce house full of 7-year-olds."
18. "I was babysitting these kids for the first time, and when their parents left, they approached me with a folded-over sheet of paper, saying that they were learning cursive in school, and asking me to write my name in cursive so they could see what it looks like. I signed the paper, then they unfolded it to reveal that I had just signed a contract that I would let them stay up until midnight."
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.