Anybody who went to school has probably had a teacher call their parents for some reason, big or small:
Well, Reddit user Tee_01 asked teachers to share the most embarrassing reasons they've had to call a kid's parents, and the secondhand embarrassment is real, y'all:
1. "I had to call a student's parents after he ran around the playground yelling, 'I've got a big penis!'"
2. "Once, a kindergartner asked to go to the bathroom and intentionally didn't wipe himself. When he came back to the gym, he backed his ass up right in line with another kid's face, dropped his pants, and put his shitty ass on that poor kid's face! My colleague called the parents and the 'poopetrator' got a suspension."
3. "My wife was 30 seconds away from calling not just the kid's parents but also child welfare after a kid told her they wanted to be the 'park whore' when they grow up. Turns out, they wanted to do parkour."
4. "I had to email a kid's parents after I asked my class what comes in pairs, and he enthusiastically yelled, 'Testicles!'"
5. "My teacher called my parents because I would only talk in third person for, like, five whole weeks."
6. "I've had to call multiple kindergarten and first-grade students' parents who have brought the mom's 'pleasure device' to school, thinking it was a cool toy that vibrates. Once, a kid was trying to grab something from his backpack and the 'toy' flew up in the air and landed right in the middle of the hall in front of everyone!"
7. "My parents told me that when I was in first grade, my teacher called them after she asked for examples of liquids and I raised my hand and said, 'Cognac!'"
8. "My class was working on a craft project involving sandwich bags, and one of my kids loudly announced that they have those at home, too. His mom 'puts her weed in there!'"
9. "I once had to call a first-grader's parents to inform them that their son had taken his mom's engagement ring to propose to me at school."
10. "Just today I had to call a kid's parents who refuses to use the toilet at school. Today during recess, he pulled his snow pants down and proceeded to take the fattest shit on the snow-covered playground. I'll never forget it."
11. "My little cousin got a phone call home because he threatened to 'bitch' his teacher with a fly swatter."
12. "I had to call a single dad to inform him that his 6-year-old son perfectly described an explicit porn scene to his friends. This was before internet porn, so the kid must have found 'Daddy's special movies.'"
13. "I once had to throw a kid out of class for licking highlighters. He was 15."
14. "I had to explain to a parent that Family Guy wasn't an appropriate cartoon for an 11-year-old. He was quoting the pervy old character to other kids in art class and creeping them out."
15. "I'm a middle school art teacher, and every marking period I have to call parents about at least one clay or papier-mâché dick. It's like the kids think I don't know what they're making!"
16. "I had to call a kid's parents after I handed him a toy and he responded with, 'FUCK YEAH!'"
Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.