Parents·Posted on Oct 17, 202021 Dads Who Are As Hilarious As They Are Seriously, Seriously Exhausted"Why would I pay for a haunted house when I can wake up to my kid silently standing by my bed at 5 a.m.?"by Asia McLainBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink We rounded up some of the funniest dad tweets we could find, and they are brutally honest, seriously funny, and so, so 2020: 1. Simon Holland @simoncholland Let’s get married & have kids so instead of trying a pumpkin beer you can stop the crying while I go back into the corn maze to find the shoe. 01:21 PM - 06 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. The Dad @thedad Tried teaching my kids some Roman history... I'm not allowed to do the homeschooling anymore 06:12 PM - 31 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Crockett🍀 @CrockettForReal Hypnotist: [crying in a corner] why aren’t you getting sleepy!? 3 year old: I’m thirsty 06:20 PM - 12 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Dude-Bro Dad @thedadvocate01 I told my kid to put his toys in the toy box and he told me the entire house is a toy box. He’s not wrong. 10:22 PM - 07 Sep 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal My 2 year old and 4 year old have been communicating via walkie talkie for twenty minutes. They're in the same room. The walkie talkies have no batteries. Over. 09:33 PM - 03 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes. What the child hears: Get undressed. Start finger painting. Lose at least one shoe. 11:31 AM - 10 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Me: What did you do at preschool? 4-year-old: Played cops and robbers. Me: What were you? 4: A t-rex. 07:22 PM - 07 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Son of Dad @ThugRaccoons Me: Everything the light touches will be yours one day Son: You’re using a laser pointer Me: Yep Son: And it’s pointing at a jar of pennies Me: Yep 04:10 PM - 13 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. mark @TheCatWhisprer My 5yo not wanting to brush her hair because her “hair is tired” is on another level of excuse that I think we can all learn from. 01:19 PM - 03 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Simon Holland @simoncholland Why would I pay for a haunted house when I can wake up to my kid silently standing by my bed at 5 AM. 05:53 PM - 02 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969 me: *turns to face son in the back seat* you have until sunday to get your shit together boy 10:05 PM - 07 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Richard Dean @dad_on_my_feet Me: Can I tell you something? 6yo: *nods* Me: *whisper in ear* You are a blessing....I love you 6yo: *smiling* Can I tell you something? Me: Of course! 6yo: *whisper in ear* Bring me the iPad 01:40 PM - 12 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking argued with my 5 yo the other day because he wanted to vacuum our concrete front porch. never imagined this would be an argument i'd ever have. 01:32 PM - 12 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Dad and Buried @DadandBuried A few years into being a parent you discover there is virtually zero difference between the sound of siblings happily playing together and the sound of siblings viciously trying to murder each other. 05:43 PM - 20 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. threetimedaddy @threetimedaddy Ok so I’m jealous that teachers have the power to mute my kids 06:37 PM - 07 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Simon Holland @simoncholland I want my 13 year old to understand how important honesty is but also know that she is 12 when kids eat free. 07:41 PM - 10 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal son: I have to tell you two things about my pet lizard me: you have a pet lizard? son: right, and the second thing is that it's missing from my room 05:09 PM - 08 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. The Dad @thedad What I say: "don’t do that it’s dangerous" What my toddler hears: "prove to me you’re not a coward" 12:07 AM - 02 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. WTFDAD @daddydoubts My toddler is always saying that he loves living in our apartment because it’s “high in the sky” which is adorable. Telling a police officer that he’s “going to get high at home with daddy” less so. 11:37 PM - 04 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. threetimedaddy @threetimedaddy 3yo: Daddy, I have something for you Me: Really? Thank you! 3: *hands me something small, brown and hard* Me: Um... where did you get this? 3: From my bum bum 07:01 PM - 12 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 6-year-old: DAD!!! Me: What?! 6: Nothing. Just testing if you can still hear me. 07:40 PM - 03 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite If you think these dads are as funny as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!