Parents·Posted on Feb 14, 202023 Brutally Real Parenting Tweets That Are Exactly The Laugh I Needed Today"Parenthood has made me so tired that even in my sex dreams, I'm asleep."by Asia McLainBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail We all know that parenting isn't easy. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF But at least we have these hilariously brutal tweets to make it a little funnier: 1. Snarky Mommy @SnarkyMommy78 Parenting is just like waitressing only you get the same customers for every meal and they’re the shitty kind that demand ridiculous things and then never tip. 02:35 PM - 26 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. MomTransparenting @momtransparent1 How much time passes from the minute I drop kids at school until I pick them up 7 hrs later: approx 37 min How much time passes from the minute I pick them up from school until they finally fall asleep that night: exactly 19 days, 22 hours, 49 minutes and 37 seconds 12:50 AM - 05 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. A Bearer Of Dad News @HomeWithPeanut Parenthood has made me so tired that even in my sex dreams, I'm asleep. 03:19 PM - 04 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Tired Dad of 2 @Tired_Dad_of_2 FOR SALE: 2 kids, 5 and 3 years old. Gently used condition. They run very well. ᵀʰᵉʸ ʰᵃᵗᵉ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖᶦⁿᵍ . Extremely cute and funny. ᵂᶦˡˡ ⁿᵒᵗ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦⁿᵍ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖ. Funny and charming. ˢᵉʳᶦᵒᵘˢˡʸ ᴵ’ᵐ ˢᵒ ᵗᶦʳᵉᵈ. Best offer or will trade for a sandwich. 02:01 PM - 04 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Rachel Sobel @whinecheezits My daughter just asked me if my boobs were ever round. In case you’re wondering about some of the ways motherhood crushes your soul. 01:47 AM - 23 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Jessie @mommajessiec Kid: I don’t like mac-n-cheese anymore. DENIAL: You still like it. ANGER: YOU WILL EAT IT! DEPRESSION: *crying* BARGAINING: If you eat it, you can have dessert. ACCEPTANCE: I will make you chicken nuggets. Kid: I don’t like chicken nuggets anymore. 02:21 PM - 04 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Marcy G 🍕 @BunAndLeggings I'm not saying my daughter has life figured out but she's walking around with a purse full of cheese. 05:12 PM - 17 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 7-year-old: I'm done with homework. Me: You did it? 7: That's not what I said. 07:53 PM - 04 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. WTFDAD @daddydoubts Friend: so what’s it like parenting a toddler? Me: why? Friend: just curious. Me: why? Friend: I don’t know nevermind. Me: why? Friend: Me: why? Friend: hey fuck you man. Me: yes that’s it exactly. 08:17 PM - 30 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Go Ask Your Dad @_goaskyourdad_ My unsolicited parenting advice? Clip your kids toe nails with your mouth closed. You’re welcome. 02:45 PM - 03 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. SpacedMom @copymama Let’s play a game of “Why Did Part Of My Child’s Lunch Come Back Home Uneaten Today?” Choose one: A. “I didn’t have time to finish” B. “I didn’t notice that was in there” C. “It got soggy/brown/warm/cold” D. “I don’t like [insert food] anymore even though I loved it 2 days ago" 02:19 PM - 28 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Rhyming Mama @sarabellab123 My daughter just accidentally dropped her snotty tissue into my coffee and if that’s not a metaphor for parenting I don’t know what is. 01:54 PM - 09 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Marcy G 🍕 @BunAndLeggings 4yo: *crying* Me: what's wrong? 4yo: my cereal won't smile at me! Me: look at me 4yo: *still crying* Me: *pulls 4yo close* are you on drugs? 4yo: I love puppies Me: ARE YOU HIGH RIGHT NOW? 01:34 PM - 03 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Jonesy hates everything 🇨🇦 @Jonesy_donkey My daughter just told me that she invented fart-infused bathtub water and that I should “invest now” 10:17 PM - 02 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix If you enjoy fighting with someone at 7 AM about brushing their teeth I can't recommend parenting highly enough. 11:08 AM - 29 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Snarky Mommy @SnarkyMommy78 10: the tip of my dick is hurting Me: hey, language! 10: sorry, the tip of my Richard is hurting 01:14 PM - 28 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Rachel Sobel @whinecheezits My kids will ask me to buy them something in literally any store. Like I swear to god that if I walked into an auto parts store, we wouldn’t even get fully inside before they’d say, “Hey mom! Can we get spark plugs?” 03:23 PM - 04 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. WTFDAD @daddydoubts Me: goodnight son I love you. 3yo: daddy? Me: yes? 3yo: your breath stinks. Me: sleep tight *unplugs nightlight* 02:47 AM - 05 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Momsense Ensues @momsense_ensues I thought I had more time, my 5 year old just asked that dreaded question... No, not the sex one, he asked me “When can I get my own phone?” 12:50 AM - 31 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Mommy Owl @Lhlodder Behind every photo taken at home is a mom pushing random crap out of the way so her house appears clean. 04:37 AM - 31 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. 💘Mummy Dear💘🇨🇦🤦🏼♀️ @ThatMummyLife I was about to eat a hash brown when my toddler asked if she could have it. I gave it to her even tho I REALLY wanted it. What does she do? Rips it in half, throws it on the floor and walks away. 02:18 PM - 29 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. MumInBits @MumInBits 3: *playing on floor* Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: 3: *comes over to me, sneezes in my face, goes back to playing on floor* 06:06 PM - 04 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 5-year-old: Want to see how many cookies I can eat? Me: No. 5: Then don't watch. 11:52 PM - 27 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite