Not too long ago, we shared a series of posts in which members of the BuzzFeed Community shared with us the absolute pettiest things they've ever done after a bad breakup, and they went totally HAM (see the posts here, here, and here).
Well, you know our readers had to chime in with their own stories of petty breakups — so here are their stories, along with some of the most memorable ones from the other posts:
1. "My ex dumped me for another girl, and I found out there was overlap. I was going to let it be until I saw his car outside his friend's house. I was feeling spicy. So I took my used pad off and drew a pentagram on the hood with it for him to find later. And he had to drive home with it...to his father's house...who was a pastor."
2. "My best friend was engaged to a friend of my husband's. When he dumped her, leaving her homeless and breaking her heart, she moved in with us for a while. Well, one night we'd all had a fair amount to drink, and she said she wished she had a way to get back at him. So my husband suggested posting an ad for a horse for sale for a crazy-low price and posting the guy's number. We did — and he's had over 300 texts and calls inquiring about this horse! He keeps posting on Facebook, asking if anyone knows why the fuck people keep asking him about a horse! It's my favorite petty thing that's ever happened."
3. "I boxed up all our sex toys, wrote, 'You wanted my used husband, you may as well have our used toys!' on the box, and left it on the hood of his mistress's car. God, I wish I could have seen her face when she opened that box!"
—April Dicyl, Facebook
4. "He cheated on me with my best friend of many years. So I slept with both of his best friends...at the same time."
5. "I cut holes in all of his boxers where his balls would sit, folded them up nicely, and gave them to him when he moved in with the woman he ghosted our children and me for."
"He'd told me he would have to sacrifice his balls if he went back to that woman, so I wrote, 'Sacrifice your balls' on the boxers too. Him leaving us ended up being the best thing that ever happened to us."
—Karla N., Facebook
6. "Two years ago, I got in a car accident on Valentine’s Day, and my ex picked up the phone to let me know that he was busy and couldn't help me, since he was with a client. When I called him back, he just left the phone on so I could hear their conversation. Then a couple of days later, he dumped me. Well, he hated my love for arts and crafts, especially glitter — so I sent a bag of dick gummies, a card, and an envelope of glitter to his house. I just wish I saw his face while he was receiving the items, since they shipped separately!"
7. "I'm not a petty person anymore, but in the past, when my abusive ex and I finally broke up for good, I had left one of his hats on his car while he was at work. He loved that hat, and I was trying to be kind by returning it without having to see him. But he sent me angry messages after seeing it, and since I'm a musician, he wrote, 'What are you gonna do now, go write a song called 'I Left Your Hat on the Windshield'? So I wrote a song called 'I Left Your Hat on the Windshield' and posted it to YouTube with the caption, 'By request.'"
—Lauren R., Facebook
8. "I had a free yard sale and gave random people all of his autographed photos, bats, and lamps."
—Cortnie Isonl, Facebook
9. "I had already kicked him out when I got a notification on my phone that an Amazon delivery was on its way. I hadn't ordered anything, so I looked it up. Turns out he'd ordered one of those period cups for the girl he cheated with — so I ordered a vibrator on his card. When he confronted me about it, I told him, 'You bought something for her pussy, I bought something for mine.'"
—Stephanie Y., Facebook
10. "I put anchovies in all the air-conditioning vents as well as a whole pack of anchovies inside the Lovesac cover!"
—Erin Ball, Facebook
11. "When my mom found out about my dad's affair, she superglued his gas cap shut."
—Samantha R., Facebook
12. "My ex and I were living together when I found out that he had cheated on me with multiple women. On the day we both moved out of the apartment, he had taken apart his huge Ikea desk and then left to go get lunch. So I took a small but structurally crucial piece of the desk and threw it into the dumpster, so that when he tried to put the desk back together again at his new place, it wouldn't stay together."
13. "I was dating a man for a while, and one day, he finally told me he was married. So I slept with his twin brother."
14. "I signed up both him and the woman he cheated with to win trips on like 17 different cruises — a swingers cruise, a sugar baby cruise, an over-50 cruise...those people never stop calling!"
15. "When my ex-husband and I got divorced, the only thing he wanted was a bottle of really expensive champagne someone had given both of us as a gift. I had taken it when I moved out, and he wouldn't let it go, saying it was a present to him, not us. So I took the bottle over to his place, and when he opened the door, I poured half of it out on his doorstep before walking away and saying, 'There's your half of the bottle!'"
16. "I sewed the fly up on the tighty-whities of a boyfriend who pissed me off — and not in big 'I'm angry' stitches. I sewed tiny, 'I am FURIOUS' stitches!"
—Donna Womackl, Facebook
17. "My ex cheated on me with a girl from work who didn't know we were together. So one day, I made flyers that said, 'Lost dog — if found, watch the fuck out!' Then I put cutout photos of him on the flyers and placed them all over his car while he was inside his workplace."
18. "I sent my ex 20 pounds of organic manure via Amazon. So satisfying."
— Lisa Crawford, Facebook
19. "When I moved out, I took all the spatulas. Four years and light years over it later, every time I open the cooking utensils drawer and see seven damn spatulas, I giggle a little."
20. "My ex-husband was carrying on a cyber relationship with some woman in another state, as well as hooking up with someone in town, all the while gaslighting me into feeling like nothing was going on. Well, during a blizzard, I threw every item he owned out into 3 feet of snow, and when I found out he actually had the woman stay overnight at our house, I spray-painted pigs humping on the wall over the bed. I'm glad I'm too old for the energy to be that angry now. Seems like another lifetime, and the divorce was the best thing that could have happened to me. I just didn't know it at the time."
21. "My ex — who I lived with — suddenly broke up with me, his excuse being that he needed to 'find' himself. Well, we shared an Amazon account, so after he moved back in with his parents, I shipped him a compass using his own credit card. The note enclosed read, 'Hope this helps you find yourself.'"
22. "My mom showed up to her divorce hearing dressed in a full clown costume we had from Halloween. The judge was not amused. He demanded to know why she was dressed that way, and without a beat, my mom replied, 'Our whole marriage was a joke — why shouldn't our divorce be one too?' The judge gave her 10 minutes to change or be held in contempt of court. Luckily, she had on a very smart business suit underneath."
23. "I donated $5 to the San Antonio Zoo to name a cockroach after him...then felt the sweet satisfaction of watching it get eaten alive via webcam by a lizard."
—[deleted user]
24. "A woman I used to work with found out her husband had cheated. They were quite wealthy, and he had loads of Italian suits, shoes, and cashmere jumpers. So she cut one leg and arm off of everything he owned."
—Deborah M., Facebook
25. "My ex-husband hated salad forks because he thought they were useless. So when I was packing up to leave him, I took all of the silverware...except the salad forks."
27. "I threw slices of cheese on his windshield in the summer so they would be melted on his car by the time he saw them."
And finally:
28. "I created a fake social media profile and followed him. Then I started talking to him and eventually set up a 'date' on which he was, of course, stood up by the fake woman I created. Petty? Yes. Satisfying? Also yes."
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.