Parenting is full of the good, the bad, and the seriously, seriously hilarious.
Thankfully, there's Twitter to remind us just how hysterical it can be:
1.
Parenthood is mostly wanting to sleep. But before you can, you have to make sure other people who never want to sleep fall asleep.
2.
My son's friend took out the garbage for me because he "noticed it was full." Looks like I do have a favorite child.
3.
Just heard my 4 year old say "it's time to milk the farm dog" and my 2 yo squeal "YEAH" and I better go see what they're doing
4.
the day I’ve longed for since the FIRST DAY I became a parent is finally here!!!my daughter is old enough to go get me stuff from the other room
5.
Me: We’re going to a surprise party today. 6-year-old: For me? Me: No. It's not your birthday. 6: I know. I would be surprised.
6.
My 5 YO got in the car this morning to go to school and asked if we “should roll the windows down and party” and I think I need to approach everything with that level of energy from now on.
7.
Shout out to all the parents planning to take their toddler to a restaurant tonight hoping this time will be different.
8.
was showing my 3 year old how to roast a chicken; ie spreading butter, herbs, shoving lemons inside and she said “he doesn’t even know what’s going on. he’s dead.”
9.
When he says “go ask your mom”
10.
I have no idea who Bruno is, but in this house, apparently we don't talk about him.
11.
I asked my 5yo niece if she was behaving and she told me that she was “behaving as good as a banana does” and now I have so many more questions
12.
My 5 yo after explaining to him that telling baldheaded ppl they look like thanos, is not the compliment he think it is:
13.
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of a romantic Valentine’s dinner we can all fight about 5th grade math homework and have macaroni and cheese again.
14.
I told my 6 yo we were having sandwiches for dinner. He told me he did too much homework to be eating a sandwich for dinner. 💀💀💀🤣🤣😂
15.
I woke up, saw my toddler’s shadow, and predicted 6 more cups of coffee.
16.
Busted my 10 y/o daughter finishing my ice cream and she said, “sorry, I saw it and I missed you because you weren’t here so I had a bite and then I got carried away.” I think she just began her career in politics.
17.
My son told me he’s not popular at school and when I asked why he said “because I don’t like talking to people” and well, same.
18.
just a reminder that you're the parent and you're in charge. give that kid any color cup you want. lol jk don't do that you'll die
19.
6-year-old: *looking at the book I wrote* How many pictures are there? Me: None. 6: Do better.
20.
the greatest phenomenon in parenting is how there are 18 hours between dinner and bedtime
21.
If any of you have 3 hours to kill our youngest has a great story about how she picked her favorite color.
22.
Wife: What are the kids doing? Me: Walking each other on leashes. Wife: Are you going to stop them? Me: They're not fighting, so no.
23.
Cleaned out my kid’s backpack, if you’re missing something let me know because it was definitely in there
24.
5: *sobs* Me: what’s up sweetie 5: I’m so worried Me: what about 5: what if one day *sniff* we wake up *sniff* and there’s no cake in the world *wails* Me: *wails*
25.
I post 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 on Facebook everyday. I don’t play Wordle, but it drives my family nuts.
26.
Tried to complain to my mom about the difficulties of raising a stubborn child and her eyes rolled so far back in her head I don’t think they’re ever coming back
27.
My 7yo, eager to help clean up: “Don’t worry Daddy, I’ll put the candy in a place where I can’t find it.”
28.
When your husband walks into the house muttering “I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids…”, it’s best not to ask what happened
29.
What's an easy way to tell your kids 'no' without saying 'no.' I'll go first: "If you're good..."
30.
If you’re looking for a sign on whether or not to have more kids, my toddler just hugged me so he could wipe his nose on my shoulder
31.
My youngest took her little hands and put them on either side of my face and oh so sweetly said: “Mommy you have little lines around your eyes. Is that because you’re old now?”
32.
If you need me, I’ll be right here for the next 35 years while my 4yo picks out a bedtime story to read
33.
This morning before the coffee even hit: Son: What do you get from a dwarf cow? Condensed milk. -Don’t lie. You know you laughed too.