Reddit user u/Kubanochoerus recently asked nurses and midwives to share the baby names they tried to talk parents out of, and I feel embarrassed for laughing so hard:
1. "My classmate's mother was a maternity nurse, and she once had a couple who wanted to name their son 'Collin,' but wanted to give him a unique spelling. So they chose to spell it C-O-L-O-N. They tried to name their son Colon — as in, the organ attached to your anus."
2. "My boss's friend named their kid 'Monster Galileo.' The nurse tried to talk them out it, but they insisted. The kid goes by 'Galileo.'"
"Honestly, I kind of like the sound of it for an adult or a performer's name, but being a kid named 'Monster' has to be rough in school."
3. "I have a false leg, and the midwife had to talk my parents out of naming me 'Peggy.'
4. "As a med student, I had a patient who wanted to name her child 'Mudpiles.' The nurses silently protested and waited a few days. Mom eventually changed her mind."
5. "My ex-husband didn't think it was fair that girls could be named 'Grace' or 'Hope,' and he seriously suggested 'Pestilence,' 'War,' or 'Plague.' And his choice for a girl was 'Tangerine.' Fortunately, we never had any children."
6. "I tried to tell someone not to name their kid 'Tarmac.' They'd recently learned the word from NASCAR."
7. "My surname is something that basically means 'penis' in my language, and my dad wanted to name me Elwood if I was a boy. My mom was like, 'Woody Penis? No way!' My dad's second choice was 'Harry.' Good thing I'm a girl."
8. "I worked at a registrar for a while, and some of the standout names on the birth certificates I got were 'Killer,' 'Syphilis,' and 'Sweet Prayer Sunrise.'"
9. "My dad wanted to name me 'Sky' — but he thought replacing the 'y' with an 'i' would be cute. Thank God my mom didn't go along with it, or I may have been named 'Ski.'"
10. "My mother wanted to name my baby brother 'Ichabod Rusty.' Our surname is 'Ford,' and she was determined to call him 'Icky Rusty Ford.' She tickled herself shitless through her pregnancy, but eventually my dad said 'No,' and they settled on something much more appropriate."
11. "I lived with a student midwife when I was a student, and the first set of twins she delivered were named 'Red' and 'Blue.'"
12. "I had a coworker named Trina, and when she was pregnant, she told me that she and her husband decided to name their baby 'Latrine.' I had to explain to her that she was naming her poor baby after the hole in the ground that soldiers shit into!"
"She was horrified, and changed it to 'Katrina.' Then, two days after the kid was born, Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans."
13. "My boyfriend was nearly called 'Eggbert,' but 'Egg' for short. So glad they decided against it!"
14. "My brother wanted to name our soon-to-be younger brother 'Corn Peas,' and our parents almost went with it because they felt bad for asking for his input and then rejecting it. Fortunately, they got over that."
15. 'My uncle wanted to name his daughter 'Raider God.' I'm glad they settled on Jada."
16. "My coworker went to school with a girl named 'Fallopia.' I feel sorry for her when she's in biology class and they talk about Fallopian tubes."
17. "I'm not a nurse or a midwife, but I was once paid to design birthday cards for a kid named 'Mileage,' pronounced My-Leige, like how you'd refer to a king."
18. "My brother talked my mother out of naming me 'Mulan', because he had a major crush on her and didn't think a 'sack of potatoes' deserved her name."
19. "I once had a student named 'Linoleum.' Some midwife definitely dropped the ball on that one. "
What about you? Have you ever tried to talk someone out of a hilariously bizarre baby name? Tell us about it in the comments section, and you could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post!
Some responses were edited for length and clarity.