Recently, a viral Reddit thread asked moms to share the thing they know about their kids that their kids don't know they know.
Here are the most hilarious, heartwarming, and totally gross responses that prove without a doubt that you can't fool a mom:
1. "My 14-year-old son doesn't know that I know he searched for 'movies with most boobs' last week."
2. "I know that my 13-year-old daughter takes an Uber to school when it's raining or she's running late. She doesn't realize her Uber account is connected to my credit card — she must think the 'Uber fairy' pays for it."
3. "We have one of those fridge cameras, and I was checking the cam one day and there was my son, closing his ding-dong in the fridge repeatedly."
4. "My 3-year-old daughter doesn't understand that whispering to herself isn't the same thing as thinking in your head — she loves to call people idiots to herself and giggle, not knowing we can actually hear her."
5. "My teenage daughter has an electric toothbrush in her underwear drawer that I'm pretty sure she masturbates with."
6. "Every morning, my 3-year-old crawls into bed with me for another 30 minutes before we get up. And when she thinks I've fallen back asleep, she kisses my cheek and tells me how much she loves me."
7. "My daughter used to 'eat a cookie' and ask for another. But I'd find hundreds of cookies squirreled around various drawers, inside toys, and under her bed. She must have died during the Great Depression in a past-life of something."
8. "That my teenage son has an empty box of condoms under his bed. Yes, we've had 'the talk,' but EMPTY?!!"
9. "My 3-year-old son wipes his boogers on the walls. He denies it's him. I've seen him do it."
10. "When my 9-year-old daughter is in the shower forever, I know it's because she's trying to hide the fact that she's crying because she misses her dad. It's been three months since he died, and she's still getting used to the fact that he's gone."
11. "My 13-year-old daughter doesn't know that I know she writes shitty manga-type sex stories. I don't even really care about the sex stuff, but the writing itself is SO bad. The grammar, sentence structure, and spelling is a hot mess."
12. "When our 18-month-old learns a new word, he runs into the kitchen where we can't see him and practices sounding the word out, thinking we can't hear him. Then he comes back into the family room to deliver the final product."
13. "My 16-year-old doesn't know that we can easily hear him singing songs and talking to the TV in his room. The other day, he sang the National Anthem as loud as he could, and we stood up in the family room with our hands over our hearts until he was done."
14. "I set alarms for the morning on the Amazon Echo, and when I leave the room, I hear my daughter cancel them and snicker, 'No school tomorrow, haha!' She's five."
15. "My 14-year-old stepdaughter borrows my clothes — hiding them in her book bag and changing in the school bathroom — and returns them to my closet when she's done wearing them. She goes to great lengths to deny liking my style, but I'm honored that she does, even if it's in secret."
17. "My 9-year-old pretends to go to sleep right away, but as soon as I shut the door, I hear her turn on her bedside lamp on and pull out her stashed book and read. I can't even be mad. So every night before I go to bed, I go put away her book and turn off her light. She has to know it's me doing that, but she's never said a word."
18. "My very prude and private 13-year-old son doesn't know that I know he sleeps in the nude. I caught his little bum-bum sticking out one morning when I went to wake him up."
19. "My 6-year-old has been hiding pictures that his 'friend' at school draws for him. It's always a picture of the two of them with tons of hearts all over it. I just look at them and put them back. He has no idea."
20. "My stepdaughter is queer/questioning/most likely gay. Her mental health professional outed her to me and her dad, which pissed us off since we were fine not knowing until she told us. She doesn't know that we know, and when she's ready to tell us, we'll be there for her 100%. But it's going to be on her time."
21. "That my 16-year-old and 17-year-old own sex toys. I mean, masturbate until you get carpal tunnel, kids — you can't get yourself pregnant that way!"
22. "My youngest stepson leaves treasures for the rest of the kids to find. He'll find a rock shaped like a heart and leave it for one of the girls, or he'll find an interesting old coin and leave it for his brother. He swears that the 'backward pirate' does it, and has no idea that the whole house knows it's him."
"I love that he has such a giving heart, and I hope he continues doing for others with no particular reason in mind other than to see them smile."
23. "As a kid, I used to do sit-ups on my very creaky bed every night. That and the out-of-breath panting combined could definitely have been mistaken for 'polishing the banister,' and I'm so afraid my parents thought I was vigorously masturbating every night. Mom, Dad — the only thing getting hard were my abs!"
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.