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    23 Marriage Tweets That Made Me Laugh In A Really, Really Embarrassing Way

    "Imagine being so stupid that when your wife asks you to take a photo of her you take exactly one photo."

    We rounded up some of the funniest recent marriage tweets we could find, and they made us laugh in a really, really embarrassing way:


    Marriage is strange, you pick a side of the bed on the first date and that becomes the only side you will ever sleep on for the rest of your life.

    Twitter: @Lazor2828


    Imagine being so stupid that when your wife or girlfriend asks you to take a photo of her and you take exactly one photo.

    Twitter: @karanbirtinna


    I told my son he needed to clean his room and he said “maybe later, I have a headache.” I told him that was no excuse and heard my husband snort laugh from three rooms away.

    Twitter: @sweetmomissa


    My husband went to the grocery store this morning which was super helpful so now I’m headed to the grocery store to get all the things we need.

    Twitter: @Lhlodder


    I texted my wife asking how her day was and she wrote back DO WE HAVE LIMES so I guess there's your answer

    Twitter: @RodLacroix


    Is your husband mature or does he ask you to hold his salty nutsack every time he hands you a bag of pistachios at Whole Foods?

    Twitter: @sixfootcandy


    my wife and I have been reviewing our finances and determined we need a sugar daddy

    Twitter: @Tryptofantastic


    My husband told me to dress nice because he was going to take me somewhere really expensive. I swear to God, if it’s the Lowe’s lumber aisle, it’s over.

    Twitter: @sarcasticmommy4


    Excited to bond with my wife and tell her that her labor pains were nothing compared to my body ache from the second vaccine shot

    Twitter: @Chhapiness


    Me, 21: I think having all boy roommates would be cool Me, 39: *living with a husband and three sons* fuck

    Twitter: @VisionBored1


    Twitter: @EliMcCann


    When I break something I just stay quiet until my husband blames one of the kids.

    Twitter: @sixfootcandy


    my wife asked me “what sounds good for dinner?” so I said “I dunno, what sounds good to u?” and she responded “I’m up for whatever” and now it’s been a week and we’re slowly dying of hunger

    Twitter: @GrantTanaka


    ENGAGED: What is mine is yours and what is yours is mine MARRIED: Your arm was on my half of the bed last night.

    Twitter: @mommajessiec


    wife: keep going, it’s turning me on me: i can’t do this in front of you wife: c’mon, just try *winks* me: ok *nervously loads dishwasher*

    Twitter: @UncleDuke1969


    Husband: “We agreed no more cards right? Cuz I can save $7 and get you a pint of ice cream instead.” Marry someone who just gets you.

    Twitter: @MommySatirical


    Wife and I are drinking outside on the deck and the neighbors are also outside having a massive argument so looks like our night just planned itself

    Twitter: @RodLacroix


    Wore my husbands shoes outside and now I can’t stop grilling things and checking my weather app

    Twitter: @maryfairybobrry


    me: if i have two pieces of cake will you judge me husband: if you don’t eat it the cake will go bad me: 😍...i vow to never backseat drive again h: really? no: omfg no jk i love you tho

    Twitter: @mom_tho


    Husband: *sneezes* Me: Bless you. Husband: *sneezes again* Me: I can’t live like this.

    Twitter: @mommajessiec


    My wife can give the finger with her eyes.

    Twitter: @Social_Mime


    I don't mean to brag but my husband and I met at McDonald's.

    Twitter: @3sunzzz


    I was gonna do that - my husband, after I’ve already done it

    Twitter: @VisionBored1

    If you think these married people are as funny as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!

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