You're Totally Ready To Have Kids If You Can Check Off 22/36 Of These Things

I have a pet or plant and it's alive

I'm cool with very little to no sex period at all ever

someone else's pee, poop, snot, vomit on my clothes, hair, or face doesn't freak me out

i can refrain from saying "damn""fuck" or "Shit" for 18 years, or at least try

how do i feel about sleep? totally overrated.

I'm comfortable with being late for every damn thing no matter how hard i try

i have about a billion dollars in the bank for diapers

i do a mean mickey mouse, big bird, or spongebob impression

and i will scare the shit out of any closet monster any day

i'm done drinking

just kidding, i'm ready to start drinking again

i will not cry when i see all the cool things my friends are doing together on instagram

i can listen to the frozen soundtrack every day and it will be so amazing, guys

i can tolerate itty-bitty grabby fingers all up in my food

and half-eaten chicken nuggets and cold mac 'n' cheese are totally my faves anyway

kidz bop is the fucking shit, dude

my partner can forgive my calling them an asshole's asshole after a rough night

I can forgive my partner's calling me an asshole's asshole after a rough night

I'm ready to become the best snuggler ever

i'm willing to learn what it truly means to sacrifice

and what it means to love someone unconditionally

I'm okay with worrying about every little thing every second of the day

i'm ready to rock my mom/dad bod, no matter what it looks like

and I can totally be responsible, swear!

I will not go crazy if i can't leave my house for, like, years

I'm comfortable existing two seconds from a nervous breakdown 24/7

and showering, pooping, and shaving with an audience

omg, i love doing copious amounts of laundry!

i can answer the question "why" with enthusiasm every time because curiosity is so awesome

And take all criticism of my parenting in stride, even from "experts" who don't have kids

I'm ok with catching up on my favorite shows later than everyone else

and my dreams of traveling the world are waning, anyway

I have an adorbs Pinterest account or am willing to get one

I understand that my social media accounts will basically become my kid's baby book

i can accept that there will be no "weekends" for me anymore ever

and that my world will be turned upside down in the best way possible