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    25 Parenting Tweets That Really Have No Business Being This Hilarious

    "The way my kids use toothpaste, they'll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink."

    We rounded up the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and they prove that being a parent is a serious, serious hoot:


    The way my kids use toothpaste they’ll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink

    Twitter: @Chhapiness


    my four year old just asked me to eat the rest of her fries and i wept for suddenly the pain of childbirth was erased

    Twitter: @mom_tho


    “Dad isn’t it weird that the word chicken can mean an animal or a type of food?” - my kid, on the verge of making a horrific realization

    Twitter: @Average_Dad1


    Me: How’s your foot, buddy? 4: It still hurts. Me: What would help? 4: Maybe donuts? We need to try or we won’t know. This kid gets it.

    Twitter: @momsense_ensues


    I asked my 6yo “aren’t you gonna help me plant flowers” and she said “oh mommy I would love to do that except that I don’t want to”

    Twitter: @LizerReal


    5-year-old: Dad, you're cool. Me: What do you want? 5: Nothing. Me: Well, thanks. 5: Can I have ice cream?

    Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn


    My daughter asked why she can’t eat tacos every day and honestly, I’d have an easier time explaining where babies come from.

    Twitter: @sarabellab123


    ME: *exists* KID: that’s not how mommy does it

    Twitter: @TheCatWhisprer


    My son washed his own bedding last night so I’m torn between being thrilled and mortified as to why he washed his own bedding.

    Twitter: @sweetmomissa


    Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said “cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies” like she was citing from some kind of Preschool Oracle.

    Twitter: @Dad_At_Law


    I told my son he can’t have chocolate for breakfast. After 5 minutes of crying and screaming, we compromised and both had chocolate for breakfast.

    Twitter: @mommajessiec


    10-year-old: Why do people eat salads? Me: They want to be healthy. Do you want to try one? 10: No, I want to be happy.

    Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn


    My 3 year old is SCREAMING because a car just like my wife's passed us on the freeway and she wants to tell her hi. Did I mention that we just dropped my wife off at work? Did I mention that we are in my wife's car?

    Twitter: @HenpeckedHal


    Me: has someone been playing games on my phone? My kids: not us! My phone:

    Twitter: @sweetmomissa


    I just clomped down the stairs loudly because of my heels and my son said, “Oh somebody gonna be in trouble today. She’s wearing the mean shoes.”

    Twitter: @Parkerlawyer


    Someone taught my 4 year old about April Fool’s Day and his idea of a trick was to dump a bowl of cornflakes on the floor and laugh at me

    Twitter: @threetimedaddy


    I asked my son to bring me my glass of wine. He brought me the entire bottle and it’s like, FINALLY, someone who actually listens to me.

    Twitter: @mommajessiec


    I’m sad that no one will publish my children’s book, “You Don’t Need to Use Five Fucking Towels a Day.”

    Twitter: @MomOnFire


    My 10 year old just told me that he is “simply a soul inhabiting a mobile meat vessel” and now I’m thinking I should start asking him to identify pictures of crosswalks.

    Twitter: @riot4rach


    *Middle of dinner* My kid: Can I have a snack?

    Twitter: @reallifemommy3


    My 3-year-old called his ice cream chocolate soup & now he's going to be my life coach

    Twitter: @HomeWithPeanut


    If you don’t keep a huge stockpile of drive-thru napkins in your car, are you even a dad?

    Twitter: @perlhack


    I told my preteen I was gonna tell all her friends that she secretly loves side parts and skinny jeans and now she’s doing her chores without complaining

    Twitter: @maryfairybobrry


    Went to pay for my Starbucks in the drive-thru & the barista said “the handsome man behind you is going to pay for yours!” I look back & say “oh! that’s my husband!” She said “that’s so sweet! You’re lucky!” & then my son hollered “yeah you don’t live with him!” Kids are fun.

    Twitter: @sarcasticmommy4


    5-year-old: BOO! Me: 5: Am I scary? Me: You have no idea.

    Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn

    If you think these moms and dads are as funny as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!