We rounded up some of the funniest recent mom tweets we could find, and they are seriously funny:
1.
if you ask my daughter about her school day, she only talks about her meals and snacks. i'm really so proud.
2.
i love how my kid is super funny except for when he’s telling a joke
3.
been searching for my 4 year old’s dog who is lost somewhere in this house. her… imaginary dog. we still haven’t found him. she’s crying.
4.
Walked in on 10 sneaking Halloween candy and when I asked her what she's doing, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "Practicing."
5.
Schools need to make a spirit day that is easy for parents, like My Mom Forgot it was School Spirit Day Day.
6.
My 5yo asked if she could have a brownie and I started to say no cause it was too close to dinner and she said, “please your highness”. So I asked her where that came from and she said matter of factly, “cause you’re my Queen.” So anyway, she’s now having brownies for dinner.
7.
Me: I’m really proud of you for keeping your hands to yourself today. What would you like to do as a reward? 2: Hit my brother
8.
My 4-year-old asked if I could take her to the little restaurants that we just pass by and eat. Took me a while to realize she was talking about Costco samples.
9.
My 4yo called my husband a "big strong man" when he brought her juice, proving she has already mastered the art of handling of a man while subtly trolling him.
10.
I told my daughter I would give her $10 to clean her brother’s room, but that I would give it to her in the morning and she made this last night.
11.
My 7 yr old told me she can't draw me because I'm "not symmetrical," in case you're wondering what parenting does for your self-esteem.
12.
have kids, so that when you cut yourself and are bleeding and desperately need a bandage you can find an empty box because your child needed all of them when her foot was itchy
13.
My toddler came stumbling out of her nursery Halloween party today, cat ears askew, mumbling something about dancing forever and I’ve never seen so much of myself in her until that moment
14.
Absolutely no one: My kid: isn’t it weird how no one ever really knows when they’re in the middle of their life
15.
ok what if you’re in the school pickup line and you see a woman eating from a charcuterie board in her car, would you judge me? i mean her would you judge her
16.
My daughter forgot her gym uniform at home. When I arrived at her school to drop it off, I realized I also forgot the uniform. I see where she gets it from.
17.
*Kidzbop song plays* my 4yo: they were 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 to say "fuck"
18.
Toddler, hitting me with toy hammer: Mom, I’m fixing you! Me: *fires therapist*
19.
My daughter has been trying to decide what she wants off the menu for 20 minutes and it’s driving my husband crazy. Our little girl is all grown up and ready for marriage.
20.
Nobody: My 6-year-old: Planets fart like humans.
21.
4 told me at bedtime all his body parts were tired, especially his penis and his hair and I’m not sure exactly what he’s been doing with his penis and his hair but I don’t think I want to know
22.
One day you're the "best mom ever" and the next day your kid is giving you the side eye because you ate the last Oreo.
23.
I let my toddler play with my phone today so now everything is in Spanish and I have 273 pictures of her left hand
24.
My toddler just came up to me and said “you deserve donuts today” and I couldn’t agree more And by toddler I mean my own brain
25.
I gave my daughter great advice earlier… I mean, it was the lyrics to a Kenny Rogers song but she doesn’t know that.
26.
ahh the sweet pitter-patter of my children running around every morning slamming doors yelling they have no clothes to wear refusing to brush their teeth telling me they are missing a shoe crying because the dog ate their breakfast when they weren’t looking
27.
Friend with baby: so when does the really stressful phase end Me: HAHAHAHAHAAAA *cries*