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    23 Husbands Whose Tweets Made Me Laugh So Hard I Almost Hurt Myself

    "My wife is at her hottest when she's angry at someone who is not me."

    We rounded up some of the funniest recent husband tweets we could find, and they are 100% real, and 1000% hysterical:

    1.

    Marriage level: I did a video call with my wife because I didn't feel like walking up the stairs.

    Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn

    2.

    My wife speaks four languages: English, eyerolls, door slams and sighs.

    Twitter: @Social_Mime

    3.

    Twitter: @Ygrene

    4.

    I wish my wife would be more like Jeff Bezos and step away from Amazon

    Twitter: @RodLacroix

    5.

    Can you please stop breathing like that? —A marriage story

    Twitter: @SladeWentworth

    6.

    I didn’t realize having a wife and daughters would involve owning this many blankets.

    Twitter: @simoncholland

    7.

    Wife: [looks at my hand] you lost your wedding ring when you were spinning it on the table, didn't you? Me: [not wanting to admit she is right] actually I'm having an affair.

    Twitter: @HomeWithPeanut

    8.

    My wife is at her hottest when she is angry at at someone that is not me.

    Twitter: @Cheeseboy22

    9.

    One of my husband’s most impressive talents is how he’s able to say the word “we” and have it actually mean “you.” For example “I see we finished the entire pack of Oreos we opened just this morning.”

    Twitter: @EliMcCann

    10.

    Me: what's wrong? Wife: you're not supposed to say you have a favorite child Me: everyone does secretly Wife: well it should at least be one of ours

    Twitter: @thedad

    11.

    My marriage vows never said anything about removing a bevy of various sized pillows from the couch before laying down on it.

    Twitter: @TheCatWhisprer

    12.

    my wife’s mad cause i didn’t get the “right kind of frozen yogurt”

    Twitter: @TweetPotato314

    13.

    My wife and I both like playing games, just differently.

    Twitter: @HenpeckedHal

    14.

    Me: She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she lov- Wife: CAN YOU JUST PEEL THE SHRIMP PLEASE

    Twitter: @RodLacroix

    15.

    Not to brag but my wife says I have an answer for everything.

    Twitter: @TheBoydP

    16.

    WIFE: i’m just “resting my eyes” ME: stop appropriating dad culture

    Twitter: @StoneAgeRadio13

    17.

    Me: Your haircut looks nice. Wife: I didn't get a haircut. My appointment was canceled. Me: Your hair always looks nice.

    Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn

    18.

    Get married so your wife can correct your pronounc.. pronun.... prunoon... the way you say things

    Twitter: @Chhapiness

    19.

    Me: I wanna ruin your makeup Wife: ooh naughty LATER Wife: *sobbing* Me: *pausing "Up"* unbelievable right

    Twitter: @SvnSxty

    20.

    Wife [from the other room]: can you hear me? Me: no Wife: Me: I mean, what?

    Twitter: @Average_Dad1

    21.

    My wife is now fully vaccinated so [uses her as a human shield wherever we go]

    Twitter: @RodLacroix

    22.

    [Dating] Girlfriend: are you annoyed by me? Me: there's nothing you could do I wouldn't love :) [Married] Wife: Me: the way you say "envelope" is weird and wrong

    Twitter: @thedad

    23.

    My wife just rolled over to me in bed and whispered, “I know it’s late but do you want to have cheese toast?” That, my friends, is how you keep the romance alive.

    Twitter: @simoncholland

    If you think these husbands are as funny as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!