Here's Why I'm Damn Sure I Could Never Be A Preschool Teacher
God bless their brave, brave souls.
1. Because I'd have to see misinterpretable drawings of things like "scissors" on a daily basis and try not to laugh.
Oh sweet, sweet little artists-in-training.
2. Because sometimes I have days where I seriously wake up like this.
Word.
3. But would still have to show up for work like this.
Seriously, I've never seen a preschool teacher in a bad mood.
4. Because the "class pet" is always a fucking rodent and omgImpeeingritenow!
I mean, did puppies go out of style or something?
5. Because the overshares are REAL.
Preschool teachers can't unhear the private deets your kids have told them – about what you and your partner were arguing about last night, that you're considering lipo, whose poop is the stinkiest in your house – even though they might really want to.
6. Because I could not feasibly say, "we don't lick our friends" with a straight face.
I'm cracking TF up just thinking about saying it.
7. And because TBH, I have way too much ass for those itty-bitty chairs.
Serious props to any adult that squeezes into one of these every day.
8. Because I can't commit to being covered in paint, slime, or glitter all the time.
I don't even wanna think about your dry cleaning bill, girl.
9. Because potty-training my own kids was stressful enough.
10. Because if you think it's hard dealing with all your threenager's um, "feelings", try dealing with the feelings of 20 of 'em.
Feelings about Wednesdays, feelings about the color blue, feelings about carrots for snack-time today, you're swimming in an ocean full of them.
11. Because I'd have to keep gross things I find for the kiddos to "observe."
Eek!
12. And because the overly-anxious parents calling, emailing, and texting me every half-hour to make sure their kid is still OK would stress me the hell out.
GIRL. I GOT THIS!
13. Because there's always that one kid that makes you want to chuck those deuces up.
But TBH, they probably make you a better teacher.
14. Oh, and all those freakin' songs you have to sing.
There's a "good morning" song, a "goodbye" song, a "parents always come back" song, a "Jamie's throwing sand" song – I'm hoarse just thinking about it.
15. And speaking of songs, you're fielding requests from the Trolls, Moana and Frozen soundtracks every damn day.
16. Because I cannot imagine how exhausted you must be at the end of each day.
17. And because I know that sometimes it feels like it's taken all day to get to twelve o'clock.
Seriously though, if you have a preschooler, give their teacher a little extra love next time you see them. They are the ultimate rockstars, and remember: because they're doing it, you don't have to!
