If you know anyone who's gotten a divorce, you know that sometimes divorces can get a little bit messy and a whole lot petty:
So it's no wonder that when Reddit user DarkFander asked divorce lawyers the most insane ways spouses have tried to screw each other during their divorce, they told some stories that are seriously petty and strange:
1. "Our office worked on a messy divorce in which the parties were required to split up some antique pots. Well, when the husband delivered the wife's share of the pots to our office, he had taken a shit in each one."
2. "During my first year of law school, a divorce lawyer told us about a well-to-do couple that spent months and months and tens of thousands of dollars fighting over every single thing, all the way down to a single ceramic ashtray. Even after they'd decided on everything else, they spent an additional $100,000 fighting over this ashtray..."
"Well, after a court hearing, the wife finally won the ashtray, and she promptly strode out to the white courthouse steps and smashed it, leaving the pieces for the husband to see on his way out."
3. "The couple wanted everything split right down the middle, right down to the block of cheese in the fridge."
4. "The couple was divorcing on mutual terms, and the wife had one child with this husband and one from a previous marriage. Well, the husband agreed to pay child support for both children even though he wasn't obligated to..."
"The judge signed the order, they set up the child support account, and it got kicked back, saying they couldn't have two accounts for the same child. Well, it turns out, the wife had been collecting child support from the biological father the entire time they were married, and she never told her husband! So, she basically tried to milk two fathers for one child!"
5. "The husband gave his wife five of his nine companies — the ones that owed seven figures in payroll taxes."
"He had made her the bookkeeper on paper, and she spent decades trying to shake the IRS for the results."
6. "I read about a top executive at a Fortune 500 company who was caught in a nasty divorce. He was set up for life with a bunch of stock, houses, and assets in many places, and the wife wanted everything she could possible get. Well, the husband proposed that if his wife let him keep everything, he'd give her half of his paycheck for the rest of his life..."
7. "My parents got divorced, and my mom didn't want my dad to show up in court and contest. So she called me and told me to put laxatives in his food so he wouldn't make it."
"I didn't, and she still hates me for it."
8. "I was an assistant at a family law practice, and in one divorce case we had, the wife had started dating someone new who was severely allergic to cats. Well, her ex-husband bought a cat for their kids — knowing that he wasn't allowed to have pets in his apartment — so that his ex-wife would have to keep it at her house."
"The wife called us, saying that the kids were distraught she didn't want to keep it, and that her ex-husband told the kids that if their mom loved them, she would keep the cat."
9. "My cousin's ex-wife wanted half of the house in their divorce — as in, she literally tried to get half of the house demolished just to spite my cousin."
10. "I work for a divorce attorney, and the craziest divorce I saw was when the husband — who had left the home — returned while his wife was at work to not only remove his clothing and belongings, but to Gorilla glue her things together!"
"He glued the TV remote to the table, the phone to its cradle, the couch pillows to the couch, and he even glued the vacuum cleaner to the carpet. She called the police to report property damage, and for days afterward, she continued discovering random things glued together, including her oven mitts, which were glued to the wall, and all of her sheets in the linen closet, which were glued together."
11. "I once had a boss whose wife grabbed all the belongings from the house she felt entitled to while her husband was gone. Well, when he returned, every knob and handle was gone, too — doorknobs, cabinet handles, drawer handles, anything used to open something. And every day for the next week, he would occasionally yell out, 'SHE TOOK THE FUCKING KNOBS!'"
12. "I represented a guy who was on his second marriage. His first wife had passed away from cancer. Well, while divorcing his second wife, he met a very kind, affectionate woman, they hit it off, and they became basically engaged..."
13. "I worked on a divorce in which the wife waited for her husband to leave the house on a business trip, then came to the house, turned on all of the faucets, plugged the drains, turned off the furnace, and left. It was -10 degrees."
"When the husband came back five days later, the house was ruined, and the water froze and cracked the foundation."