We recently rounded up the funniest parenting tweets we could find, and they prove that having kids is all parts hilarious:
1.
Parenting is a lot like drowning except when you finally surface for air, you immediately catch on fire
2.
I couldn’t decide if I wanted bangs or not so I cut bangs for my daughter and she looks awful. Dodged a bullet there.
3.
6-year-old: Do you have lots of money? Me: I'm rich in other ways, like family. 6: So you're broke?
4.
I just made my daughter a grilled cheese and her response was “this is perfect, I bet you can’t do it twice” so yes, she knows how to play the game
5.
Son: how old are you Mommy Me: I’m 39 Son: then you’ll be 40 Me: yes Son: then 41 Me: yes Son: then you die Me:
6.
If I knew I was going to have to homeschool my kids, I would have made sure my husband used a condom.
7.
is my house clean and tidy and laundry folded neatly and meals prepped for the week? no. but am i less stressed and making fun memories with my kids who are playing nicely? also no.
8.
Nobody is more drunk with power than a 5-year-old telling you to “go fish.”
9.
One of my favorite things about being a pre-school mom is I’m occasionally gifted handmade art projects that look like a giant penis.
10.
The 8yo disrupted my sleep again, so I texted my mom at 2AM to ask when it stops.
11.
Our kids’ hide and seek game has elevated to another level today.
12.
Me: You have to tone down your flirting in front of the kids Husband: Why? It’s good for them to see we like each other 2YO: (runs in room, slaps me on the butt) DAT ASS! Husband: Yeah, ok
13.
“Once COVID is over” is starting to sound a lot like when my kids ask for something and I tell them “I’ll have to think about it.”
14.
My kid took snacks with her to the bathroom and I’m all teary-eyed because I hadn’t expected my child to master life at such a young age
15.
5 drew me. This is what he sees of me.
16.
my 4yo is playing 20 questions with me except that it's infinite questions and there is no point and this isn't a game it's just my life forever and ever and ever
17.
Please pray for my teen who forgot to jump and touch the doorframe before entering a room today
18.
My kids are "enough dishes in their room to fill the dishwasher twice" years old.
19.
Me: I thought you said you were taking these boxes to the garage My Husband: Yeah, at some point Our 7 YO, from the other room: That means she wants you to do it now!
20.
Watching my second grader type is like watching paint dry while also watching grass grow all while watching a pot boil.
21.
My 9yo googled “how to guilt your parents into ungrounding you”. Is this evil or genius? I can’t decide
22.
3yo: does daddy like orgies? Me: what? 3yo: ORGIES Me: 3yo: you like orgies Me: oranges? 3yo: yeah orangies
23.
Me (watching the news): Omg! What is going on?! 10 (from another room): It wasn’t me!!
24.
I have 5 kids. My heart is full and my wallet is empty.
25.
5-year-old: I'll miss you when I'm at school. Me: I'll miss you, too. 5: I was talking to my stuffed animals.