17 Kids Who Are The Most Savage Humans On The Planet
"I picked up a chocolate bar and my 3-year-old daughter mooed at me."
1. "My 6-year-old daughter busted in on me while I was taking a bath and said, 'Mommy, your boobs look sad.'"
2. "One day when I picked my son up from kindergarten, he got in the car and nonchalantly said, 'Mom, my friends said you are so pretty. But don't worry, I told them it was just because of the makeup.'"
3. "After eating the dinner I cooked, my toddler said, 'I've had worse.'"
4. "I came home from college after not seeing my family for about a month, and the first thing my 4-year-old brother said to me was, 'Wow! You kinda look like a penis now!'"
5. "I picked up a chocolate bar and my 3-year-old daughter mooed at me.'"
6. "I had just gone to a hair salon to get a perm, and it looked awful. Well, I went to my mom's house afterwards, and my little sister and niece were there playing house. They'd been assigning parts to themselves and my mom, so I asked, 'What about me? Don't I get a part?' And my sister looked at me with pity and said, 'There are no poodles in this story. Sorry.'"
7. "I was babysitting a little boy, and he told me I couldn't climb on his play set. I said, 'I'm too tall, huh?' And he responded, 'And not very skinny.'"
8. "I was in the middle of teaching class when one of my students asked me if I was married. I responded, 'What does that have to do with the lesson?' And they answered, 'I'm just saying...you aren't getting any younger.'"
9. "Once my kid said to me, 'Your skin looks like chicken before you cook it.'"
10. "I asked my three-year-old niece for a hug and she said, 'You smell. You did not take a shower today.'"
11. "My best friend was pregnant, and I was at her house and said to her 3-year-old daughter, 'Aren't you so excited to be a big sister? You're always going to have someone to play with now!' She looked at me dead in my face and said, 'Good. Then I won't have to play with you anymore.'"
12. "I told my 3-year-old that he needed to go to sleep and he said, 'You know what? You're an asshole.'"
13. "A few weeks after having her baby brother, my 3-year-old daughter said, 'Momma, Ty's not in your belly anymore, so why are you still so big?'"
14. "Once my kid asked me, 'Do you make yourself look bad on purpose so boys don't date you?'"
15. "My kid was snuggling and gently touching my face and said, 'Mommy your mustache is so soft and fluffy that I wish I could take a nap in it.'"
16. "I have a Southern accent and was hanging out with my dad's side of the family in Boston. Well, some of my younger relatives were confused. My niece asked me why I sound like a farmer, and my nephew asked me if I'm Honey Boo Boo's mom.'"
17. "I was quizzing my niece on her colors, and asked her to name something blue. She shouted, 'A blueberry!' Then I asked her to name something red, and she yelled, 'A fire truck!' Then I said, 'What's something that's yellow?' and she said, 'YOUR TEETH!'" And that's how a 3-year-old shamed me into keeping up with my dentist's appointments."
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.