1. This mom, whose kid spit up on her in a totally epic way:
2. This mom, who's really, really tired:
A common side effect of parenthood: Calling 98% of all objects “things” or “thingy” because we’re too effing tired to retain legitimate vocabulary anymore.
3. This mom, who misinterpreted a gift:
4. This mom, who knows better than to think she can shower without visitors:
Me: I’m going to shower. Husband: K. Me: Please keep the child out of the bathroom. Husband: K. Me: Please! Husband: I said okay! I’m capable of stopping a toddler from busting into a bathroom, you know. *toddler busts into bathroom* Husband: I couldn’t stop him.
5. This mom, whose dog got to her kid's Ariel doll:
6. This mom, who spoke too soon:
Yesterday my child tugged on my shirt. “What can I do for you?” I asked, exhausted. “Mommy is tired. She has nothing left to give.” She responded by looking deep into my eyes, and then snatching the last of my fries from my plate. So I guess I stand corrected.
7. And this mom, who left her lipstick unattended:
8. This mom, whose kid's adorable mispronunciation bit their mom in the butt:
2yo: your dicks in the bag mom? Me: yup I put them in the bag Lady: Me: omg... STICKS! she gave me sticks to put in my bag! 2yo: mommy likes dicks
9. This mom, who accidentally poured sprinkles into the taco meat instead of seasoning:
10. This mom, who accidentally encouraged her kid to turn up:
#MomFAIL! In my defense, this “seltzer” had been sitting with the other flavored water in the back of the fridge for months. #WhenYouRunOutOfJuiceBoxes
11. This mom, whose kid has a knack for embarrassing her:
Anyone- “And what’s your name?” Me- *Dont say it* *Don’t say it* *Don’t say it* *Don’t say it* *Don’t say it* My Son- “They call me Big Papa”
12. This mom, who accidentally put two right shoes on her kid:
13. This mom, whose kid loves her just the way she is:
Me: I want you to know that I just love being with you. 3yo: Thanks mama but I really wish you were a mermaid.
14. This mom, who placed the Elf on the Shelf on a light fixture:
15. This mom, who knows parents aren't known for how much they sleep:
I don’t always get to sleep in, but when I do... I don’t.
16. This mom, whose kid scared the hell out of her:
Today my only daughter said her sister was dead and started laughing maniacally and now I am just fucking scared