Choose A Thanksgiving Dish And We'll Tell You How Drunk You Are
Cousin Claudia pulled out a bottle of aguardiente some time after dinner and from there shit got real. The two of you end up at a seedy bar downtown where you play "Bennie & the Jets" on repeat, while failing your arms and legs violently. No one is amused.
Cousin Marco whipped the blender out and started making piña coladas at noon. Six hours later you're standing in front of the bathroom mirror in utter disbelief that you're still single. Your family then spends an hour trying to get you out of the bathroom as you refuse to leave such a beautiful site.
You're going to be taking a serious trip to nap town soon and it is going to be the perfect gift after fielding questions about your relationship status all night.
After insisting to your Grandma Carol that you are in fact too young to start thinking about freezing your eggs, it looks like you got into the good whiskey and are feeling frisky. Make safe choices!
You spent so much time arguing with uncle Frank about about his insistence on wear his MAGA hat at the dinner table that you ended up drinking your dinner. Now you want to eat anything and everything, even if it breaks your strict vegan diet.
Nobody could stop talking about cousin Beca and her stupid new husband and her stupid new house and her stupid new baby. So you took the bottle of peppermint schnapps into the guest bedroom and started singing "All I Want For Christmas Is You" at the top of your lunges. It wasn't your best rendition.
The second you got to your Grandmother Carol's house you were bombarded with questions about your future, so you started drinking at noon. Now you're standing in the backyard staring blankly at a piece of pie you've been holding for 45 minutes.
Your favorite cousin Alex got stuck in traffic and couldn't make it. Now you're left alone with his twin sister that can't stop talking about how thin you were when you were a kid, other family members join in. You steal every bottle of red wine you can find, hide in the closet, and call your bff.
You've been sipping on vodka sodas all night and now you can't help telling everyone you see how much they mean to you. Like for real you're my best friend... I have no idea what I'd do without an angel like you in my life.
Aunt Carmen thought it was a good idea to bring a giant bottle of tequila as her contribution this year and you decide to go shot for shot with her. The two of you end up walking around the house forcing tequila down every adult you can finds throat screaming feliz navidad.