Why Listening To The Spice Girls Was Insanely Inappropriate

Warning: You may never see the Spice Girls the same way again.

1. “2 Become 1”

Um, remember when you used to belt these lyrics out in front of your parents? That’s right, you sang, “Are you as good as I remember, baby?” IN FRONT OF YOUR MOM!!!

2. “Naked”

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This song describes, IN DETAIL, the entire lifecycle of bedroom foreplay, which is perhaps not the best thing for children to be playing on repeat.

3. “Last Time Lover”

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“Last Time Lover” is all about having a one night stand, and goes on to gratuitously compare food to sex. So, in terms of childhood appropriateness, it’s about a 0 out of 10.

4. “Something Kinda Funny”

Climb aboard “my journey”? DEEP INSIDE?! Gee, I wonder what they’re talking about…

5. “Saturday Night Divas”

Get down, DEEPER and down. I CAN’T, I JUST CAN’T.

6. “Too Much”

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There is a 90% chance this is about having an orgasm, which to borrow a phrase from the Spice Girls themselves, is just “too much” for me to handle.

7. “Holler”

Can anyone say “50 Shades of Spice?” Because this is just plain kinky.

8. And finally the song that started it all, “Wannabe.”

What did you think ZIG A ZAG AH MEANT?!



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